Bobby, you didn't let them down. Just yourself.
Here's how you can help and to make amends to the group if you feel that you need to. This is what I did.
1. I went back and let them know what happened. This is straight out of the Big Book, Chapter 3.
2. By going back and letting them know what happened -- it woke another alkie up that had been sitting on the fence -- with the same problem that you had. They were able to see ahead of time -- what was in store for them -- if they didn't change it. It would be the same thing that happened to you.
3. Our book states that our failures of the past can become our greatest assets -- because -- our experience is able to help someone else. And, that's the entire deal right there. You can expect to stay sober if you are actively helping others to achieve and maintain sobriety -- as long as you don't forget that the reason that you are doing this is: to save your own butt because you're an alcoholic just like the one's that you're trying to help.
4. Each of us is a Scout for the next guy. The next guy doesn't learn from what we might try to teach them. We don't teach in AA. We simply share "this is what I did and this is what happened to me." The others, then look at where they are and ask themselves if this is where they are. Or... perhaps they are "thinking about something" and they relate our experience to their experience. And, it helps them to decide what they are going to do next.
5. Without going back to the group and facing them and admitting to them -- I couldn't get sober and stay sober again. Period. And, in the 24 yrs I've been around the rooms -- I haven't seen anyone else be able to do it either. Sooner, more often than later -- but, sometimes later, too, they break. They drink, or end up with a rope around their neck, or a shotgun in the mouth. I'm not trying to scare anyone. Believe me. I'm just sharing what I've seen. When we try to hold in things to ourselves by with-holding to those that are trying to help us -- some really bad crap is in store for us down the road. It's not worth the risk.
6. I'd rather feel embarrassed for a few days -- and get over it, rather than feel miserable for the rest of my life.
7. Part of "staying sober" is learning to live with our past. We've got to get to a comfortable place within ourselves, and with others -- regarding our past. We have to do it -- or it kills us. Period.
None of us like this stuff. Who cares to admit defeat? I didn't like walking into the rooms saying, "Guess what! My name is Dallas. I'm a loser! And, that's why I'm here!"
Fact is: We all have to become losers -- to qualify.
So, we face up to our past -- do what we got to do because that's what we got to do -- going to any lengths -- and, what happens is, we come out the other side as a winner. We achieve sobriety, peace of mind, serenity, peace and comfort in our own skin, and we get happy, joyous, and free -- as we reach our hands out to help the next guy or girl -- who's just like us.
We love you bro! We care about you. We want you to succeed. We never know if -- we'll end up in the same place you did -- and if we do -- we're going to be hoping like heck that "Bobby D. is still there and can help us out!"
Keep coming back! You'll be glad you did!
Dallas
