Hey Lauren. Wasn't passing any judgement on to you or on you. I was sharing about me -- and what I would do and my insight, as you requested. It wasn't about you.
What you personally do, believe, feel -- is not my business. And, I have no opinion on what you do. The only thing that's my biz and that I have an opinion on is me and what I do.
When I listen to someone share their personal experience and think it's about me, or think that they are judging me -- I've learned that -- for me, what's really going on -- the thing that matters (regardless of what they do) -- is that I'm judging and condeming myself.
Many years ago, I learned a little tool that I love and use often. It's called Johari's Window. Through this tool, I learned that there is information about me that I am blind about. I can't see it. Only someone outside myself can see it. And, I'll always be blind about it unless I ask them to tell me what they see about me that I can't see about me.
Also, with Johari's Window -- I learned that there are things about me that only I know about me -- and things about me that I don't know and others don't know either.
The comfort I get from Johari's Window -- is the awareness -- that I don't always have all the facts.
And, I'll never have all the facts.
All I have is my current perception of what I think might be the facts and what I think might be the facts are not always facts.
The reason that comforts me is: I no longer have to be right. I only need to take the right now action -- right now. And, when I take the right now action right now -- because it's the right action to take right now -- I don't have to think about the -- next right action. This keeps my head from spinning and keeps me out of thinking and into action.
Thinking -- is my number one problem. Thinking -- rather than doing -- will always cause me misery.
Best wishes to you and for you, too!
Dallas
I realize it was a mistake and a wake up call but it was hardly like pouring whiskey in milk. I guess I am feeling a little defensive from that. I wouldn't relate it to drinking tea out of a whiskey bottle as hookahs are for tobacco not weed. (I have always liked hookahs and smoke cigarettes from time to time) I would say it would be more like drinking tea out of a glass that had whiskey in it at one time but not knowing there had ever been whiskey in it until the tea was already in the glass. My fear came more from why I was more concerned with upsetting my friends than ensuring that I stayed sober at that one moment. I did take a few puffs of the tobacco and then I said I was done and left because I knew it didn't feel right. I feel like this falls into a grey area but a dangerous one... a slippery slope. I am very serious about my recovery and that is why I am trying to work through this and brought it up on this forum. I guess its really upsetting because I can't go back and undo it. I feel like by the grace of god I did not taste or feel anything so I don't feel like I have already relapsed at least not physically... maybe a mental relapse yes. It did scare me and I don't want to put myself in that position again and I don't plan to, I really didn't expect to be in that position in the first place... I went to 2 meetings the day before I felt strong spiritually before that. SIGHS... I am freaking out.
