Topics and discussions related to being single and or dating while in 12 Step Recovery or 12 Step Programs
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This is actually related to dating, because one of the most frequent questions I get asked is if it's okay for someone in AA to date some one who's not in AA. Duh.... Of course it's okay. I don't recommend that my AA friends try to hook up in bars by selecting the drunkest person of the opposite (or same) sex they can find, but it's really an amazing thing. Most normal people drink normally. As an alcoholic it still amazes me that people can do this. I've been to tons of get togethers and even a couple bars and clubs since I quit drinking, and there are literally thousands of people who enjoy drinking alcohol and do it responsibly. This is something that we are going to have to live with and deal with. In the beginning of our sobriety we are (and should be) constantly aware of anything that has to deal with drinking (or drugs). We shy from it like a vampire from sunlight, and it is probably well that we do so. Think of a person new to AA almost as a newborn deer who is trying to find their legs and walk a straight line. Yes in the beginning this is difficult, and it is truly better to stay away from situations and even people who would knock is down in this uncertain time. But we won't stay newborn for long, and we will have to become strong enough to endure normal every day exposure to alcohol and people who drink. With the right philosophy on this we win either way....If a person drinks normally and isn't an abuser of alcohol or drugs we can secretly compliment them for something we are incabable of doing. If on the hand, the person seems like they are not in control and are showing signs like we used to, then we are there gently doing the 12 step. Anyway, back to the point. I think that as Alcoholics we can date whoever we want. That being said, I think that it behooves us to find people with similar interests and desires and of like mindedness. I choose not to date stark raving drunk, party going, uncommunicative, selfcentered, demon-worshipping, eighty-six year old women because they no longer fit into my life style. I would suggest that you also don't date this type of person unless you are very strong willed. Instead look for people that have your interests in mind, and remember that you are a spiritual person now. We all are, its what we traded alcohol for.
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