I don't like to say anything that might go against a sponsors suggestions. So, whatever I write -- if it goes against what your sponsor suggests -- listen to your sponsor instead of me.
I've been told by people living in small towns that it's difficult to find a good Al-Anon meeting. And, I've recently noticed in an Al-Anon Meeting Directory -- that some of them appear to mixing it up with Co-dependency literature and ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics). The CODA AND ACOA approach is very different than the 12 Steps of AA, and Al-Anon literature and the approach to recovery. The original Al-Anon program is identical to AA, in regards to their Program. The difference is in their Fellowship and how they apply the 12 Steps to their experience.
Whenever I suggest to one of the people I sponsor to attend a few Al-Anon meetings -- unless I've been to the meeting myself -- I don't know what they are going to find. I don't even like to suggest AA meetings to them, where I'm unfamiliar w/ the meeting and haven't attended it -- unless it's a long-distance relationship with a sponsee -- where it's nearly impossible for me to have previously attended one of their local meetings.
Either way, I suggest that they attend Al-Anon Open Speaker Meetings instead of Al-Anon literature or discussion meetings. And, if they do attend an Al-Anon literature or discussion meeting -- I suggest to them, that they simply listen and observe -- rather than share in the meeting. It's also suggested that if they discover some other AA's that are also members of Al-Anon in the Al-Anon meetings -- try to gravitate towards and get to know the AA's there, and try to meet w/ them outside the meetings for discussion.
Perhaps, the best idea would be to discuss this w/ your sponsor, and make sure that your sponsor knows that you're following their direction, and you're experiencing some difficulties or confusion. And, ask your sponsor for suggestions on what to do to overcome the difficulties and confusion.
I was lucky, in the sense that I got sober in Southern California, and the AA Fellowship worked very closely with the Al-Anon Fellowship. Many of the men and women that were sponsored by my sponsor, their wives or husbands were in Al-Anon. So, I had an inside-contact for which Al-Anon meetings to attend and which one's to avoid.
If your sponsor isn't sponsoring others that also attend Al-Anon meetings, then check to see if your sponsor's spouse is an Al-Anon, or if some of the others that your sponsor sponsors -- if their spouses are in Al-Anon. If you hit a dead-end there -- ask some of the members at the AA meetings that you attend, if their spouses are in Al-Anon. If they are, then perhaps you can have them personally introduce you to their spouse, and get an escort into Al-Anon. And, they can show you around and introduce you to some people that they would recommend getting to know.
From reading your message above -- I get a feeling that you may have also attended some NA meetings. If you attend NA as well as AA, you may want to check out Nar-Anon (the NA equivelant of Al-Anon). I've never attended Nar-Anon, but I have some close friends that are members of Nar-Anon, and they speak very highly about their Fellowship. If that's the case -- your sponsor may be in agreement to you checking out the Nar-Anon Fellowship.
I hope that helps.
Dallas
I have gone to 3 or 4 Al-Anon meetings and I'm just not feeling the vibe. Their literature is great. The concepts and steps are much the same as AA. But any time I open my mouth there I feel like I am being shut down for going against protocol. "We don't discuss specific issues or ask for advice." "Can you talk about that after the meeting?" "Get a sponsor." "Don't talk about your AA program." In that case I then asked if my AA sponsor could also be my Al-Anon sponsor or if they should be separate. I was told "You can talk about that privately." I leave the meetings (and I've tried two different groups) scratching my head and saying "wtf was the point of that meeting? I should have gone to AA" It's frustrating because I know I need Al-Anon. But I get the impression that the Al-Anons are there for themselves and are burned out from helping alcoholics, which is understandable. I can understand that! But I'm annoyed with it and wondering what to do. I wish there were meetings that somehow worked for both. Sometimes I really need to talk about my issues with the addicts around me. ARGH~
