patty brown wrote:hello
my name is patty and i am an alcoholic. i woke up this morning with a hangover and came downstairs to find a suicide note i'd written last night. i had no intention of killing myself; i was so depressed and so sick of being depressed that i thought: ok, what would this look like, how would i say goodbye and what reasons would i give to those who care about me?
it was a very lame and whiny note.
i can dismiss it and even laugh a bit, but i am depressed, for many years and in many circumstances, beginning in my childhood. ironically, i am petrified to stop drinking because of my depression. it does cause a temporary 'lift' of this black thing sitting on my shoulder.
but today i read the promises.
my mind knows alcohol is only making it worse.
hope this is in the right place. i have never posted before on-line. i live in a small town in mexico and getting to a meeting is virtually impossible.
thank you for listening.
I understand you. I have been there. Alcohol drove me to the point that I could not live without it and I could not live with it. I did not want to live anymore. AA Changed all of that.
If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and want more than anything else in the world to feel better then I have good news for you.
AA works for those that really want it. It worked for me and it will work for you.
You said you read the promises. Do you have an AA Big Book? or did you read them online? Not being able to get to a meeting means you will have to work harder but it can be done. With online sites like this one you never have to be alone again.
If you want what we have you will have to quit drinking, that is the only way it works. With that in mind most of us in our old ways were always quitting forever and we always failed. Its simply too big an order. AA suggested to me that instead of forever, why dont I simply quit just for today. Twenty four hours only. And if that works renew the commitment each day. I thought I could do that. It was very difficult at first but sober members told me that if twenty four hours is too long I could break it down into smaller periods, one hour or mabe even five minutes at a time. It worked and slowly things got better.
Once the alcohol was out of the system I was able to learn about the 12 steps of AA.
AA step 1 "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable"
Try to see if you can identify with this statement. Don't worry about the rest of the steps yet until you have stopped drinking.
My advice to you is try to stop drinking for 24 hours and give it a couple of days. What do you have to lose?
Stay in touch here. Post here everyday and let us know how you are doing. We (I) really do care about you, you do not have to do this alone.
Give us 90 days and if your life doesn't get better, we will gladly refund your misery