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Postby lotusinbloom » Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:21 pm

i was released from detox and rehab about 7 days ago....i am 100% focused on recovery and being patient....however, my spouse of 21 years went out tonight drinking......after he told me he would stand by me.....this sucks
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Postby Toddy » Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:53 pm

My wife finally asked how my meetings were going, been to 30 now, as she was pouring herself another glass of wine....
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Postby lotusinbloom » Sat Oct 16, 2010 12:00 am

can marriage survive sobriety?
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Postby Toddy » Sat Oct 16, 2010 6:29 am

Wiser folk on this forum may address that one. This is a good group.

Ive read prettty much everything on here. Good stuff.

Toddy
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Postby butch » Sat Oct 16, 2010 8:40 am

Lotus welcome, i am looking forward to your sharing. i can only sweep my side of the street, not my wifes. that said, it does help to have some support. i find a lot of mine at meetings. everyone there has my disease and understands and has probably been there already, so i keep going to meetings and listening. keep on keeping on and keep coming back, it works if you work it!! :wink:

butch
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Postby Dallas » Sat Oct 16, 2010 10:37 am

Welcome to the site, Lotus

Also, nice to see you here Toddy and Butch!

I've seen hundreds of marriages that have survived -- and more than a few, where only one members was sober. I've also seen many more marriages -- with neither of them being alcoholic -- that had problems that lasted longer than 7 days or 30 days....

Just my opinion, because the question was asked: The only important question is, will your sobriety survive? Depends upon you. Will marriage survive sobriety? Depends upon you, the person you're married to, and the marriage.

So, if your sobriety is dependant upon the marriage or the mate -- your chances for success is much lower than if it wasn't.

Anytime I placed any kind of conditions on my sobriety -- I lost the conditions rather than lose my sobriety.

These types of questions often come up in early sobriety. Of course, they can come up in late sobriety, too.

If you were in a hospital suffering from a condition that was going to kill you -- what would be more important to you:

a. To save your marriage. Or,
b. To save your life and get better?

For me, if I didn't save my life and get better -- what good is marriage or a spouse going to do me after I'm in a coffin???? I doubt seriously, that I would have convinced them to join me in my new adventure! :lol:
Dallas
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Postby lotusinbloom » Sat Oct 16, 2010 4:51 pm

my sobriety comes first....before anyone or anything else...i'm very young in my sobriety, i know i must be patient with my marriage....i just feel like i'm losing my bestfriend, you know? he is going to Al-Anon...i told him that he needs to deal with his issues too so that together we can keep the marriage intact and hopefully, it will be an even happier marriage
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Postby Larry H. » Sat Oct 16, 2010 5:15 pm

I went to AA to save my marriage and I stayed to save myself. It does not matter at all why we get to AA but it is of the upmost importance why we stay.

It has been my experience that If we are not in AA for ourselves it won't work.

My marriage did not last but my sobriety has. As a result of working the 12 steps of AA my ex wife and I are friends. Friends not enemies!!
That says a lot for the program of AA.

Larry,
---------------
"It's easy to quit drinking, put the plug in the jug. Living life on life's terms is the hard part."
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Postby Dallas » Sat Oct 16, 2010 10:01 pm

That's been my experience, too, Larry! Thanks for sharing it.

Lotus -- it's wonderful to read your sharing! My opinion isn't worth much -- because it's mine -- but, if it were worth something -- I'd say you're definitely on the right track!!! And, I'm looking to learn through you sharing your experience with the situation! I appreciate you taking the time and effort to share here! And, always -- I'm in your corner wishing the best of the best for you!!!

Dallas
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Postby lotusinbloom » Sun Oct 17, 2010 11:02 am

thanks everyone! :D
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