- Yet another relapse, what next?

Yet another relapse, what next?




Alcoholics and Addicts sharing their personal recovery story with us to help others who want to recover.

Yet another relapse, what next?

Postby gretzky » Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:47 am

My name is Ryan Toretzky and I am an alcoholic. I have just relapsed on Halloween after being sober for 2 years(longest ever in my life). I have a beatiful wife and daughter who is 20 months old. I have been in jail several times, have 4 dui's, have lost a job and the list goes on. Thanks to my HP, in the 2 years I was sober, I got alot of the "stuff" back. I have a new job making good money, a great family(wife and child). I have been in the program for 10 years now. When I relapsed, it was a one time event, i did not go on a 2 day bender or anything like that. I drank 2 bottles of red wine and shots. Sunday I was in the hospital for 4 hours so they can get fluids back in me and so I could just get the help I needed physically. I have depression and I am taking Celexa for this. I guess I am looking for answers on why I am such a chronic relapser. I have relapsed over and over and had sponsor after sponsor, have done the work and then just slip as most of us do. I cannot afford another slip. I have a wife and a child that NEED me and I NEED them. I have been to 2 meetings since Sunday and it certainly makes me feel better. Any suggestions from this point would be appreciated.
gretzky
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:36 am

Postby Dallas » Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:31 pm

Hello Gretzky, the only three reasons I can think of, as to why we relapse are:

1. We fail to understand, take and continue to practice Step 1.

2. "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path" ~pg 58, BB. We have not thoroughly followed the path (left something out, didn't address our character defects by trying to be rid of self-centeredness, dishonesty & fear and all their aliases) . Followed our path -- means "continuing the path to the end."

3. We stopped following the path.

I think you'll find your answer in # 1, or 2, or 3, or in #1,2, & 3.

The question I would be asking myself, if I were you is: "What is it -- that I'm unwilling to get honest about?" That, I believe will be a direct shortcut to get down to the answer that you're searching for.

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby RichC » Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:25 pm

Dallas has hit the root of the issue.
That being said.
What led up to the relapse?
Never is there not a lead up and signs.
Stressing things happened, Job related issues, Finance, Family, ect.
The signs are there, you just need to look back and examine what made this possible.
Take some time and think about it.
Share it with us if you wish so we may learn from you.
Be honest with yourself about it too.

My best advise.
RichC
 
Posts: 68
Joined: Mon May 31, 2010 5:15 pm
Location: Behind the Zion Curtain

Thank you!

Postby gretzky » Thu Nov 04, 2010 11:52 am

:)
Thanks for the responses fellows. I have a lot of stress in my life, I am a father/husband and have a lot on the line with LIFE. I have depression and I am an alcoholic and I assume the 2 are a combo of one another. I love my wife and my child more then anything. I am just sad and lonely INSIDE and I dont know why. I cannot figure it out. I just got a sponsor that sponsored me 5 years ago, I failed, he did not. He is great so I am excited to work the steps. The sadness, loneliness and emptiness inside is what lead me to relapse.

Ryan
gretzky
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:36 am

Postby Dallas » Thu Nov 04, 2010 12:42 pm

Take the Steps. They work.
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Re: Thank you!

Postby RichC » Thu Nov 04, 2010 3:58 pm

gretzky wrote::)
Thanks for the responses fellows. I have a lot of stress in my life, I am a father/husband and have a lot on the line with LIFE. I have depression and I am an alcoholic and I assume the 2 are a combo of one another. I love my wife and my child more then anything. I am just sad and lonely INSIDE and I dont know why. I cannot figure it out. I just got a sponsor that sponsored me 5 years ago, I failed, he did not. He is great so I am excited to work the steps. The sadness, loneliness and emptiness inside is what lead me to relapse.

Ryan


Dig deeper. Look harder.
I am a Father too and that has not drove me yet to it.
Stress from Hell and Yet I still have not.
Sadness, loneliness, ect are symptoms, not causes.
Look outside in and see what else you can discover.
You haven't found the cause yet.
Keep looking.

And believe it or not my answering you at this moment.
Is helping me deal with myself and an issue I am currently dealing with that is pushing me that direction.

Thank You
RichC
 
Posts: 68
Joined: Mon May 31, 2010 5:15 pm
Location: Behind the Zion Curtain

Postby Dallas » Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:53 pm

I hope you're not like me. I had all those excuses too. The way it worked for me was: I had to lose all that was precious and dear to me, family, kids, jobs, businesses, cars, houses and all that neat stuff that gives all people stress -- regardless if they are alcoholic or not -- before I could get enough "stress free" inside me to get sober.

Nope. Didn't get the family or wife or kids back either -- not even back after almost 24 yrs sober.

With alcoholics that don't get help to stop their drinking -- reasons are nothing more than excuses -- for not doing what they "don't want to do" -- which is: to give up alcohol.

I know -- I am one. :lol: And, I've been to the funerals of many of them, friends, family and strangers.

The bottomline is: it's all a timeline. You either surrender and get help while you've got time, or you wait until you lose it all and it kills you. The choice is yours.

It's not easy either. You might as well face the fact that nearly every one of us faced: When we first stopped drinking the stress was magnified x100. And, that is what each one of us faced as newcomers.

You can either man up to it, bite the bullet and do what has to be done to get help -- or not. The choice is yours. If your not willing to step up to the plate and do the hard work -- don't complain about it and don't let it stress you. It won't be long and it will all be gone.

That may sound bitter and tough. Not intentionally bitter and tough -- it's just the truth. Most alcoholics have an allergy to truth -- they don't want people being out front and frankly honest with them. They want their wounds kissed and to be pampered into sobriety. Reality is: it doesn't work that way.

Best wishes. It's your choice and your decision.

Dallas

btw: When I mention "sober" I don't mean "just not drinking". I'm referring to "sobriety" which includes "not drinking".

To achieve "sobriety" is a lot more difficult work and a lot more "changes that we don't want to make" and a lot more about "following directions" that are required -- as opposed to "just physically sober."

When I read what your conditions are -- it sounds to me that you're describing "physically sober". And, physically sober -- without "sobriety" for an alcoholic is very depressing, very lonely, and leaves us restless, irritable and discontented and stressed -- when we don't drink. That -- is the evidence -- that we are "real alcoholics."
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

A new day today, take action?

Postby gretzky » Mon Nov 08, 2010 11:02 am

Dallas/Rich: Thanks for your responses. It keeps me going. I have found a sponsor, one of my sponsors from 5 years ago, I am reading the big book and working step 1 everyday. I am not as stressed lately as I have been hitting some more meetings and I think the 1 relapse in the 2 year period, the physical damage has been passed. I am not longer feeling "physically sick" from relapsing. Now it is time for action. What type of action do you take every day to ensure the best life for you and the best sobriety for you?


Ryan
gretzky
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:36 am

Postby Dallas » Mon Nov 08, 2010 2:19 pm

The first thing I do -- is the same first thing I started doing every day, nearly 24 yrs ago -- and, I haven't had a drink since. That's continue to take and practice Step 1 EVERYDAY! I've seen it over and over again -- the AA's that graduate "having to" keep a focus on Step 1 -- end up drinking again.

We do graduate in the sense of TAKING -- all the "steps that we took" (pg 59 Big Book) and AFTER we TAKE them ALL -- we still continue to live them, and practice them. Step 1 is the foundation of the Steps in our daily recovery -- once we get away from daily practicing Step 1, all of our other step work and efforts will weaken and become subject to crumble -- when least expected.

Dallas B.
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby RichC » Mon Nov 08, 2010 7:02 pm

How soon we forget what got us where we are to begin with.
Remember the first time you considered going sober?
Remember the up-tee-nth million times from the first to the actual time you actually did go sober?
And now the big Wham!!!
Remember what drove you to actually doing it?
Now do you really want to live through that all again?
I don't ever want to live through that hell again ever in my life.
Regardless of how minuscule it seemed at the time; the end result was the worst thing in my life. It all added up into the big bang at the bottom you might say.
Dallas hit it right on the money!
Step 1
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

Understatement of the Century in my opinion.
Unmanageable?
More like Hell on Earth.
I am 7 years 9 months and look forward to 24 like Dallas.
I never want to look back and become what I was ever again.

Thats what keeps me going every single day.
RichC
 
Posts: 68
Joined: Mon May 31, 2010 5:15 pm
Location: Behind the Zion Curtain

Next

Return to Addiction Recovery Stories

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests









.








12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Yet another relapse, what next?



cron