I am only dry for three days and am going to my first meeting tonight again after dropping off from them. I had what I think was a moment of Clarity myself lastnight. My ex and I were talking and I felt this really negative rush force my mind's eye to observe the most desolate pit of lonliness that exsisted (hell-like). ANd I knew that is what I had to look forward to if I continue. I was doing the "I can take a beer here and there, and then take a few days off, so it is not a problem." I realized how lonley I will be if I continue. I was talking to an AA friend at work, & he told me I had my moment of clarity. I made some calls & am meetin gsome friends at a meeting tonight.
Some times I ponder how important the prayer I said was 15 mintues before loosing my lasts job. I was down on my knees in a hotel room in Manila. One of those few real gut renching prayers with real tears where it the theme of th prayer with out going into details was you take it I can't.
Then I had the phone call with HR and my boss. Blessing in disguise of course.
It is hard for me to muster up that kind of feeling today when talking to the HP that I know but some how I feel that that one was all I needed to start the process.
The refrigerator was also empty if you know what I mean. I had been in that room for almost 2 weeks. Didn't eat for the last 10 days. Dang, happy that I made it out there.