- Emotional battering

Emotional battering




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

Postby Dallas » Mon Nov 22, 2010 5:09 pm

It's easy to say what someone else should do -- especially, when we haven't walked in their shoes. Fortunately for all of us -- life will present us with the same problems that we judged how someone else should have done it -- or should do it -- and, we'll get our own individual opportunity to be faced with a very similar problem -- so that we can find out how well we did when faced with the problem.

Good luck to you when you go through the fire. I hope you'll do well and survive it -- just as well as you think someone else should be able to survive it.

When I went through it myself -- I learned how emotionally fragile human beings really are. I learned not to judge the other guy or girl so quickly.

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Postby Toast » Tue Nov 23, 2010 12:20 pm

Good point Dallas,
That's the danger of folks thinking they are experts on 'anything' never mind relationships. These same people have told my wife to leave me and also told me to leave my wife. Now we're 30yrs down the road together and getting on just fine. :lol:

Being an expert is a highly dangerous job, especially in AA. To justify your self appointed position every now and then your called in to help condem someone. Usually someone you know nothing about. But the alcoholic ego wont admit that so they fire away regardless and end up making things worse. While all the time justifying their evil words by saying ' i was only trying to help'? :twisted:
Last edited by Toast on Mon Dec 13, 2010 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Dallas » Tue Nov 23, 2010 1:28 pm

I understand. :wink: The only thing I've ever been able to achieve 'expert' in is failure. :lol: And, for that, I'll be eternally grateful! For without failure -- I wouldn't have the opportunity & privilege to be here. And, without failure -- I would have entirely missed out on the greatest deal that I've ever even imagined finding in this life.

I love all of you. And, I thank you for all that you've done for me.

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Postby GeoffS » Tue Nov 23, 2010 7:30 pm

Thank you very much Daveshark. To sum up your reply and suggestion it would be "Suck it up Princess!"

Glad to know you are across everything involved here and can make that judgement for me.

My initial reaction to your reply was to lash out (I am an alkie after all), but I remembered the saying 'Hurt people hurt people' so I didn't. As a very hurt person here I would have felt better ripping into you - for about 5 minutes then I would have felt bad. From what you wrote I get the feeling that perhaps you have been hurt yourself, and would hope you look at working the program around the issues.

To an extent, you and Toast have a point, everything will work out, it always does. However to get their I believe that I must do what the program suggests and look at my part in the situation, which I have done. I need now to work out how to use this suffering and my journey through it to improve myself and better equip myself to help the next guy that gets in the barrel. If I did just say screw it and walk away I would be carrying hurt with me and it would come out later and hurt others (sound familiar?) Also in doing that I would do myself out of a possible friendship with her and a chance to be of service as a friend if and when she ever needs me.

I guess as Dallas pointed out relationship stuff is never as cut and dried as people may think, and judging others from a position of hurt helps no-one especially not ourselves.

I wish you well in your recovery, and hope that you never go through what I have been going through. If you do of course I am happy to share any experience that may help you.
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Postby sunlight » Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:24 am

Good morning Geoff! And I truly hope it is good for you today.

First, I want to tell you that I love you, and I am so grateful for all your replies, and for the AA history forum, and for your wonderful spirit.

Thank you for sharing your heart. It touches ours deeply and gives us courage to stay sober in the midst of hell.

In answer to your opening question: my experience has been that I attract it, according to my spiritual state at the time.
Been where you're at. At 4 months sober I fell in love with the man of my dreams, who was also in the program. Long story short - he was a con who was just using me & wasn't even staying sober. By that time, I had moved in with him & was fairly trapped in a year lease.

It was just like the alcohol! :evil: I was powerless to get out. My life was insane! I couldn't live with him or without him. He was killing me but I didn't care! :shock: I was drunk on my emotions.

I knew that I was in deep doo. I found a woman who had been through the same situation, whom I admired and respected. She took me through the steps, substituting him for the word alcohol. The way out was gradual and painful, but necessary for my emotional and physical sobriety. And as I paid attention to the way God was working in my life and in my heart, I was delighted, excited and amazed.

And, I wasn't alone! :D We are all in this together! And we can help each other by sharing our experience, strength and HOPE.

My prayers are with you, dear Aussie.

Thank you SO much for sharing!
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Postby GeoffS » Wed Nov 24, 2010 5:27 pm

Thank you.

I'm not travelling at all well today. I guess ups and downs are just exactly how it is supposed to be.
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Postby Dallas » Wed Nov 24, 2010 7:52 pm

What a concept -- to feel what we are feeling. To be aware of it. To acknowledge it rather than to deny it or to try and hide it or bury it. To feel it and walk through it while we're feeling it. Not like the old drinking days for me. That's the price of sobriety. The price of feelings. The opportunity to experience the good -- while risking the bad -- and to experience it any way.

Some might refer to it as maturity. But, for us alcoholics it seems to be just living life on life's terms. Showing up and facing up rather than covering up. And, in the end? After time passes? We look back on it as a reference point. Like "Dang! That sure was a close one! Nearly took me out! But, with God, the program, and the Fellowship -- I got through it!"

We look back at the wonderful things that we experienced -- sober. And, the difficult things that we experienced -- sober. And, our faith in the program and the Fellowship, and our self-confidence all grows for the better. We become more sure about ourselves and about our ability to face life sober -- through fair weather and foul.

Our experiences in recovery and sobriety becomes our story -- our message -- where we share about ourselves and "what we were like -- what happened -- how I dealt with it -- and what I'm like today as a result of it" -- and we transmit our experience, strength and hope to our Fellow travelers and explorers, of what we've discovered on the Road to Happy Destiny.

"Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon." ~ pg 59, BB.

"Abandon yourself to God as you understand God.
Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear
away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what
you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship
of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as
you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you—until then." ~pg 164, BB.

Tradition 1: "Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. Unity."

The unity of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cherished quality our Society has. Our lives, the lives of all to come, depend squarely upon it. We stay whole, or A.A. dies. Without unity, the heart of A.A. would cease to beat; our world arteries would no longer carry the life-giving grace of God; His gift to us would be spent aimlessly. Back again in their caves, alcoholics would reproach us and say, "What a great thing A.A. might have been!" ~12&12, Tradition One.

We're here and we care.

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Postby GeoffS » Thu Nov 25, 2010 5:28 pm

Thank you again for your support, just knowing I am on the same road as you people is a big help.

I realise now that I would not have been so devastated had my instincts not been out of whack.
I was in that EGO place, 'Easing God Out" very dangerous. I was handing my will and my life over to the care of ME. Not a good route to take.

If our love is supposed to be, then god will work it out. The future is being worked on and doesn't need to be by me.

I hope that by sharing this I may help someone in some small way, but importantly through sharing I stay sober - bottom line.

I am still struggling between the emotions part and the program part though. I accept that I am powerless over my emotions and the thoughts of "this will happen, maybe that, and the playing of scenarios in my head" when those happen I just ask god to look after me and take them away and bring me back to the next right thing, however small.

I've found a useful piece on suffering by Father Ed Dowling which I'll post if anyone is interested.
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Postby Dallas » Thu Nov 25, 2010 5:44 pm

We can learn to -- direct our emotions -- to where we would want them to be.

When I write or say "I am powerless over my emotions" what I'm meaning is: "I am powerless over what I'm feeling -- right now, in this moment" and "because I can't change this feeling in this moment" -- "this feeling -- and trying to manage this feeling -- is what's making my life unmanageable -- because I can't manage this feeling right now."

If I don't look at it in that way -- Step 2, will make no sense to me.
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Postby GeoffS » Thu Nov 25, 2010 5:49 pm

How do we direct our emotions to where we would want them to be?
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