Emotional battering

[Dallas]

To do this -- (same way as with our alcohol-ism) -- the trick is in "understanding the nature" of the problem. ie: "What is: Alcohol-ism".

So, w/ Emotional problems, and directing our emotions -- we first have to learn "what is an emotion"?

An Emotion -- is nothing more than a "feeling". That's why we call "feelings" -- "emotions" -- because emotions are something that we feel. If you can't feel it -- it isn't an emotion.

Where do emotions come from? Emotions are "expressed thoughts."

We are "expressing a thought" when we are "feeling an emotion."

Therefore, Emotions -- are the result of a "thought." And, by "changing the thought" -- we will automatically change "the feeling" -- the emotion.

So, we have to also ask: "What is a thought?"

What does the physical brain do -- to manufacture a thought?

I'll try to keep this simple! A thought in the brain can be measured -- by hooking up an instrument to the brain -- to observe the changes in a brain -- when a thought takes place. Scientist have observed a measurable and observable "bio-chemical change" in the brain when a thought takes place. Also, another instrument can be hooked up to the brain to measure and monitor "electrical activity" in a brain -- when a thought takes place.

The brain -- biologically -- takes nutrients and chemicals that are already in the brain -- and mixes them -- to produce a unique mix (a compound) of other of chemicals and elements -- and this compound chemical that it creates -- creates an electrical charge in the brain -- that fires off electrical charges to different nerves and parts of the brain.

When this takes place -- the central nervous system of the body -- reacts to the chemicals produced in the brain -- and our body "feels it." Much the same way as what happens to an alcoholic -- when the alcoholic takes a drink. The drink is a chemical -- that mixes in the brain -- with other biological chemicals and nutrients in the brain -- and when a "thought takes place" in an intoxicated brain -- the "toxification" of chemicals results in biological and physiological changes in our body -- we sense an "ease of comfort" ... not as a result of the alcohol alone -- but because of the mix of alcohol and the chemicals produced in the physical brain.

With that out of the way -- now we can get to the simple stuff.

"A feeling" is the result of a "thinking". That's what's simple.

Change the thinking -- and you'll automatically change the feeling.

So, how do we accomplish this -- in relationship to our recovery from alcoholism? Simple: We change the actions -- and the actions changes the thinking -- and this change in thinking that was produced by the change in actions -- changes the feelings.

Taking an action - will change a thought. Changing the thought -- changes the emotion.

So, by "taking a prescribed course of actions" (following a to-do list, for example)... or a list of "12 Steps"... "a program of action"... we can create any feeling that we desire -- good or bad. Fear into faith. Calamity with serenity.

Lab lesson #1: Take a sheet of paper and a pen -- make a list of things that you've done -- that you felt good while doing it. Write it down (these are prescribed 'actions')... As you think about the thing that you did that made you feel good -- it will automatically make you feel better.

In AA -- how do we 'change our thinking?' -- we do it by changing the direction of our feet.

This is the same "magic" that takes place when we write a "gratitude list." Writing the gratitude list -- is actions -- that we are taking -- and these actions (writing the gratitude list) changes the way we feel.

Dallas

[Dallas]

I was going to write about this a few days ago -- but, because it's so revealing -- I took the time to put it off.

When I was going through the "after effects" of heart-break in a "God's will for me relationship" that broke up and left me helpless... I made a list of other break-ups in my past relationships.

As I observed the list -- I rated them as #1-10 rating, of which one's were the most difficult to get through.

Then, after I had them rated as to "how tough" it was to get through them -- I went back through the list and re-rated them according to "in which one's was the sex the best?"

Interestingly enough -- I discovered that the one's where "the sex rocketed me into the fourth diminsion" were the same as the "God's will for me" one's that were most difficult on me -- to get through the break up.

That caused me to wonder... is it the lust or the love... that's really causing my greatest problem -- when getting through a "heart-break."

Dallas

[sunlight]

Dallas is SO SO right that I just have to reiterate this!

I was always an emotional slob, just wallowing around in a swamp of suffocating feelings. I drank mostly to escape the overwhelming devastation of those emotions. I thought I was "special" cuz I was so "sensitive".

I learned from taking the steps and from many wonerful AA's that my emotions wouldn't kill me, that it just felt like they were. And I learned how to trust and rely on God, to write, talk and serve.

But I still couldn't figure out how to change my thoughts so I could change my feelings. Some of us are slower than others!

Then, upon joining this site, I shared how at five years sober I felt stuck.
It sure helped to reveal my defects, because here I found the answer! You can't change your thinking by thinking, and you can't change your feelings by thinking, but you CAN change both by taking action!

This was a burning bush for me. The clouds parted and the sunlight shone through and I was re-born (again! )

But, like any good idea, I had to do it, not just give it lip service. I tried it. It worked. It was like magic. It was a miracle for me.

I share this solution with everyone. I thank God for this site and the wonderful people who contribute to it.

Thank you for letting me express my Thanksgiving.

[seabiscuit]

thanks for your honesty
thank you for softening my heart tonight..
thank you for reminding me that connection with others can mean listening and not doing...
by listening to you my heart really has softened...

i came here to refer back to your 4th step as tonight i am doing a mini inventory on my rather gross behavior as a result of mostly "fancied" (imagined) thoughts / fears of looking stupid/ inadequate in a work situation that i didn't stop - pause when agitated and pray for guidance about...and instead (or for the time being) found this string - again while looking to the part for what you had written about "effects my"... (seems like i always mis place that thread you did on the 4th)... anyway thank you .....

i am off to do the mini inventory and ask for help in "seeing this situation a different way - for i have temporarily given my power away and have become a victim to my thoughts"....

thinking of you my friend... (a female here in phoenix)

[junebug]

because I am working on being on time for work, I am skimming this thread-which is super helpful. In case I miss it this time where can I find Bill's Emotional Sobriety letter? Thanks, Junebug

[Dallas]

Here is a link to the topic where I've posted the Emotional Sobriety letter:
www.step12.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1962
You'll find it there!

[Sermon]

Hey Guys,

I've been in these shoes before. I was in a relationship with a girl (who was also in the program) and for awhile there it seemed as she was the "GOD SEND". Unfortanintly we had a breakup after six months of "fairy tale land" love. Never once did we fight, arguee, or get tired of each other. It was seeming like the one. One day she just quits calling me, answering my phone calls, everything. Automatically I jumped to the worst case senario! (You guys know how our mind likes to wonder). Yes, I have that magnifying mind that magnifies every situation, even when I'm sober. I went to many meetings, tried new sponsees, quit my job to start another, anything to fill the void or the thoughts of her. I even went and had sex with another girl just to see if I couldn't fill the void that way. It didn't work, yes my poor little heart had been broken. Everything I did seemed to remind me of her and how much I missed her. Actually without me realizing it she had become my GOD, as drastic as that sounds, it happened.

Three months went by with me moping around, downed sad face, couldn't believe how someone could do this to such a good guy like me! Where was the Justice!!!! Those three months were extremely painful. I decided to do a sex inventory (the one on pg 69) of the big book. I found out something that I had missed the first time I had done this inventory. The SEX inventory is not about who all I had sex with, it's about how I relate with people and what I do in relationships with others! Wow! More will be revieled the further we go! So I did a sex inventory (by answering the questions on pg 69 "honestly" and seeing my part and how I should have acted instead. I started to understand my motives and unrealistic expectations that I had put on her.

Guess what I found...... SHE IS NOT GOD!!!! (burning bush experience) I got back in contact with my creator (the real one) and started to get a since of ease back. I quit praying for her and me to get back together and got back to the BASICS of AA. (you know the ones we sometimes "think" we outgrew.)

My sponsor came up to me one day and asked me "are you done?" I said "with what?" He said "this fake God you seemed to have been turning your will and life over to." (He was refering to the girl. My sponsor sometimes knows just what to say and when to say it.) I said yes. He said good maybe now we can take a "real" look at the situation. This is what he had me do that changed my outlook on life and got me back on track.

Solution....... (for me) He told me to write down exactly what I would want out of the "Perfect Spouse." Trait for Trait, what I would really want out of that person. I did it and brought it back to him. Then he told me to find the spiritual principals that go along with the "traditions" of our wonderful program. Then with every trait go in and find what principal went along with that specific trait. I did that and took my list back to him. Here's the kicker........ He took the list and had me read it to him with the principals behind each trait. Then he said to me "is this what you want?" I told him it was and he said "THEN THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO BECOME!!!!!!" Wow, he really lit me up on that. I understood, that whole relationship was selfish with the "GIRL OF MY DREAMS". She wasn't the perfect person for me. She had just become an obbession of mine that I couldn't shake until I was shown in black in white!

"The two colors of the program that will send (most) men back out or out of the spiritual realm are PINK and GREEN!" I hope this post might have helped someone out there, I don't know if it is your case but it really worked for me.

-Sermon-

[Dallas]

Thank you for sharing!