Now about sex....Step 4

[Silverbullet]

I certainly needed an overhauling here. Growing up my Mom told me that sex was a dirty, filthy, disgusting thing and that I should save it for my future wife !!! Why would I do that to her??? Yup, overhauling is not a strong enough word.

[Dallas]

A lot of Alcoholics, including myself, suffer from skin hunger. We have an usual desire just to be held, hugged, embraced, or just to hold hands with another human being. I may be geralizing, but I have heard many alcoholics say the same thing.

That's probably because we're all a bunch of big babies!

Dr. Thiebot, on giving his views of the alcoholic personality (which can be read in Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age)... seemed to regard us as childish. He referred to Bill Wilson, as "His Majesty the Baby!"!



This info really helped me. In my on the spot Inventories I was able to ask myself "Am I acting like a child? " Most often -- my answer to myself was "YES!"

That's when I finally realized that I might as well relax and chill out... because it was going to take me many many years to grow up and act like an adult! So, it helped me to cut myself some slack and stop beating myself up over things.

I then learned to ask myself a question, when I was in doubt about "how or what I should do"... it was "What would an adult do in this situation?"

On the topic of SEX: I'll leave that one for others that have more experience with it to discuss it! My experiences "could be" all legendary dreams in my own mind! "Was it really me or was it Memorex?"

Dallas

[Dallas]

Maybe they take a lot of luck, too! And, the willingness to at least let the other person think they're right.

Self-searching. Personal inventories. They used to sound boring to me until I got in the habit of doing them. Now, I feel it is one of the best Life tools that I've ever used!

Dallas

[Dallas]

Keith, I like your expression above: "skin hunger". That really nails it!

Dallas

[junebug]

at first I was totally going to bypass the sex conduct. Been married 26 years, faithful. Then the time I grabbed a man came back to me (did this in front of my DH) ,oh and all the times I flirted with other's husbands. Shame yes, drunk yes, kept me up at night, yes. NOT going to bypass it now.

[Sermon]

Hey Everyone,

When it comes to the SEX Inventory for me the first one I did was about all the women that I had ever had sexual relations with. I did this because my sponsor told me to. He had more sobriety than I did and I was willing to give the program a shot. Of course it was my last resort, knowing good and well I had tried many other "easier softer ways" that I had thought up. (I was in a position that either I did or I died. I had already tried killing myself and it didn't work so I was beat up enough to be open to anything.) I had the most "memorable" sex relations first. There was one that I believe changed my whole attitude and outlook on relationships.

So me and my sponsor sat down and went over them. By the way the first one he ripped up because I had tried to build myself up on it to show how much of a sick person or (man) I really was. Thank GOD for my sponsor, he has a way of doing things that really get my attention!

So I did it, not because I really wanted to look at my old relationships but because I had become "willing" to do anything to stay sober. I've found that if I stay to long on a step it's because I'm a master procrastinator in doing things that might make me uncomfortable with the way I've acted, past or present!!! But I did the inventory, it was in the book so I did it. Glad I did too because finally I had recieved some sort of release from the past, I still remember finally being able to have a good nights sleep that night!

Now I've been in the program alittle longer and the only thing I can promise about the program is change. I've changed, my outlook on things have changed, the way I react to situations has changed dramatically. What I was ok with the first time around the steps might be alittle different than now. I've found that's ok (for me). I recently did another sex inventory and now I understand when the people that have been around the program for some time share in a meeting about the Sex inventory being a relationship inventory. But if this is the first time around the steps just do it. Whatever I was doing before did not work. Anything less than a spiritual experience for me wouldn't have been enough. The only thing I can bring to the table is how I got sober. Maybe what I did and how I did it might not be your way but it did work for me. If it was the same for everyone it wouldn't be the fellowship in which we so dearly crave. Everyone would share the same experience and AA wouldn't be what it is today. "We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful."/ "The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution." Big Book Pg. 17 There is a solution.

For me, the first time around the steps I couldn't step into the debating society of why or how the big book did or didn't pertain to me. I did what someone else had done to stay sober and the person before that. So once again another quote from the book, "If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it. Then you are ready to take certain steps."

[Dallas]

Thanks for your sharing! It sure is timely and it really helps me when I read of your experiences! An, I'll just bet -- that I'm not alone!

Dallas

[Sermon]

Dallas your more of an inspiration to me than you know. I can get on here sometimes and just feel the presence of my creator speaking through the forum. It's what drives me to share mine and I can only share what I have experienced. If it wasn't what I have already been through then I'd be trying to sell you guys my opinion.

I've found some of the best humility I've been able to experience is working with someone and NOT knowing the answer. I can feel comfortable with myself today in saying "I DON'T KNOW." One of the greatest gifts given to me by working the steps. Use to I would either bulldoze my way through an answer (even though I had no idea what I was talking about) or I would go and try to research it and find the answer. Today I'm OK with not having to know everything.

I just hope that something I post or someone else posts gives the questioning person the answer. If they get better through our experiences then we've done the work of our Creator. Another one of the great gifts given to us. Being able to actually help another! I usually get more joy off of watching someone elses Creator work in their lives than I do in my Creator working in my own.