Hi, Good topic, made for the way i'm feeling this week.
Have doubts about continuing my attendance at AA meetings, i know they wont miss me and i sure as hell may miss them but the last few weeks its been all controversy and not much AA. My wife says i come home worse than when i left. Now that is serious!
Recently we've had to sit through some of the better known sexual predators, both male and female, tell the world from the top table just how empty there lives would be if it wasnt for AA? The cynic in me says ' yeh i bet, where else would someone like you find people crazy enough to believe a word you say?'We've also had our fair share of the back stabbings and character assassinations i thought i'd left behind in the bars i far to often frequented. This isnt fellowship, no one comes to AA to score points.
Been attending meetings without a drink since jan 04 and never felt this way about the fellowship i once loved so much. Maybe its me, maybe i'm becoming cynical because they're not all doing it my way or maybe i've no tolerance for other members different ways of working there programme or maybe its because my neighbourhood is under 2 feet of snow and has been for over a week and everythings has ground to a halt?
Or maybe its because christmas is approaching and my daughter is doing her usual holding our grandkids as hostages until the world comes round to her way of thinking. Which is exactly like her fathers old way of thinking but without the booze. No one needs to tell me our problem rests in the mind. As soon as she was old enough my daughter went out and ' rescued' a guy who was just like her dad and he brought all the problems out types do to our once happy home.
Maybe its because i'm approaching 50? I know when i turned 40 i went off the rails big style, being sober at the time i never drank but i had several ego driven slips that i've been making amends for ever since.
I remember being in this position many times when i drank. I would make some bar my favourite and get to know everyone and make friends then a year or two later when they all started pissing me off i would give them all there character and end up in deep do do. And also having to move house, job etc, usually to somewhere far less 'respectable' but much more ' affordable' than before.
Ran it past my sponsor and he tells me to give the meetings a rest for a while. He says i should use the fellowship side and do more ' coffee shop' meetings with like minded friends and also use the phone more. For me the danger of this is hearing only what i want to hear. Nothings going to prick my conscience and make have a good look at myself.I'm worried this willl lead to another giant leap backwards.
If anyone has any thoughts on the above i sure would appreciate a different take on it. After all, i've been wrong before.