I understand PeaceJoy. Been there and done that more than a few times -- in sobriety, too! The way I looked at it was -- if I'm sober -- I've got a chance to make it through to something better. And, if I'm not sober -- it will just get worse.
It's tough on us when we're new. No doubt about it. But, it's tough on us regardless if we're sober or drinking. Drinking we were able to medicate ourselves to feel better for about 10 minutes. Mine was usually 8! For 8 to 10 minutes everything would seem alright. Seem. It wasn't alright it just seemed all right for 8 minutes. And, after the 8 minutes I had thrown away all the good that I had worked for.
For me, this was why it was critical for me to get through the Steps. When I got through the Steps -- the feeling that God was going to get me through it lasted much longer than the 8 minutes that the drink gave me.
For me -- it was a miracle to be sober 24 hours. I couldn't do it and I quickly recognized that even AA couldn't do it. There was a power that was greater than me and greater than AA that was helping me to get each 24 hours without a drink.
So, one day -- I figured, that if this power could help me stay sober -- when nothing else could -- and the bottom was falling out or fell out in all the areas of my life -- what would it hurt me to try to become willing to make a decision to let that Power take care of me?
I made a decision to turn my will and my life -- over to the care of -- God, as I understood God. I stayed sober and I got through it.
Today, I rarely have problems. Not because God is treating me special -- but because I've spent several years cleaning up the wreckage of my past -- that I had with me when I was new. And, incrementally, slowly, I began to have less and less problems -- because I wasn't out there doing stuff to create more problems.
You mentioned that the job you had before this one was on shaky ground. Maybe -- you were lucky that you found the new job before the old one fell through. And, perhaps -- the economy -- which is something outside all of our ability to control -- had something to do with the loss of the new job. I have a nephew that has a wife and two babies. He and his wife have been out of work for nearly a year. Their kids are 3 and 6. Both of their cars are broken down. Their house payments are behind. Credit payments are past due because they don't have the money to pay. And -- neither one of them are alcoholic -- and they don't even drink. No cable. No Internet. The TV has already been sold. His mom died in 2007. And, anything of value that she left behind has been sold for food money. So, this kind of problem is not unique. It's happening to a lot of people right now.
I got through it. My nephew and his family -- one day at a time -- are getting through it -- even though it doesn't seem like it to them -- they're still alive. So, they have hope. Hope isn't much -- but, sometimes, it seems like it's all we've got.
I wish I could tell you that I got on my knees and asked God for help and puff -- all my problems miraculously went away. But, it didn't happen that way for me. However, as I looked back on it -- I could see that God or something was helping me all along. I choose to believe it was God, because I don't know of any other something that might of cared about me enough to be helping me.
I remember one day thinking to myself "What if -- I simply started to trust that God was going to get me through the tough times?" I figured it certainly would hurt me to do that. And, I had a hard time in the beginning believing that God would help me. Matter of fact -- for a while -- I didn't believe it -- but, I started acting as if I believed it.
Before long -- I began to see some changes happening for the better. The "this too shall pass" was becoming a reality for me. And, today, I really do believe -- that everything is going to be alright because God really is looking out for me. I can't prove it. And, I certainly can't dis-prove it.
Today, I'm grateful and thankful for all the tough times that got dished out my way. Because through those times I really do feel like I developed some sort of faith in God, and belief in God, and it feels like I really do have a relationship with God -- because I was hopeless to help myself.
I don't mean to be sounding religious. I'm not into religion and I don't push it.
I'm just trying to share some of the experience I've been through along my path and how I dealt with them and what my results were. You may or may not want to give it a try. Or, maybe you've already done it.
There are a couple of sentences in the Big Book, as I understand them, it's -- if I stay honest, do the right things, try to figure out what God's will is for me and then do it -- that He's going to provide I get what I need.
For the last 24 years of doing that -- I've always seemed to have all than I needed of what I needed. I had food. I had shelter. I had reasonably good clothes. I had shoes and socks. I wasn't always able to buy presents for my kids or for other people. And, sometimes, I could only give them I.O.U.'s for Christmas and let them know that we'd celebrate Christmas in February, or March, or April -- when times were different and better. And, we did. Sometimes, in June I'd put up a Christmas tree and go get my kids for the week-end and surprize them!
I'd let them know we were celebrating last Christmas late and next Christmas early -- just in case the next Christmas was just as tough as the last one.
You will get through it. And, if you hang on to your sobriety you'll get through it faster and better and you'll be very glad that you did!
Best wishes for you.
Dallas
I know I'll get another job and it won't take long. But I have to make sure not to grab the wrong job because I'm desperate. And I have to not drink over this...........so tempting.
There is much to look forward to in 2011. I just know it. Now ask me in an hour and I might be up on the ledge, on the phone with my sponsor, ready to drive to the liquor store. But for now I'm feeling serene. My puppy is into something so I better go do a heimlich. whew!
I am so grateful.
