Debrinconcita, When I read your post I decided I just had to post back..
.because in so many ways you are just like me. I have had one relationship in sobriety. And I didn't listen to the warnings about no relationships for a year.
I was 13stepped at 6mos. And it felt like a "GOD thing" and it was great for a while...then it got progressively worse and at 8 yrs it ended and he died of this disease we have.
Sooooo...for the last 3 years I have thrown myself into AA in as big of a way as I can. And have tried for the first time to really get to know me. I had never been alone before and had no idea what I liked or was like without the influence of what someone wanted me to be like. Well....gosh...I really like me now...and I have something to offer now. But I have also wondered if My heart would ever feel for another person again. I felt it had put up too many walls to ever be touched again.But that was just a thought lead by fear!
I found in the last few months...that when you least expect it and when you are not even looking....there will be someone put in your path that has the ability to make you shed the steal enforced walls and feel again. Just keep working on you and loving yourself...and then when that does happen, you will be ready for it. I am not sure if that helps you at all...but that has been my experience. Relationships can be difficult for all Humans...but God did not create man to live alone. And when the time is right...good things happen! Stay Sober and Grateful and thanks for letting me share!