- Day 1... uncertain...

Day 1... uncertain...




Discussions related to 12 Step Recovery and Treatment

Day 1... uncertain...

Postby MRFUNTIME » Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:06 pm

I am a combat veteran and I've been an alcoholic ever since. I don't drink every day... I drink a few times a week but when I do, I binge. After I binge I feel terribly guilty and sometimes it takes me two whole days to recover. After I drink I tell myself, never again--never again and for a few days I feel good. I feel motivated and I accomplish things I've been putting off. I "quit" on christmas day and it felt great but I only lasted until last night.

I need help. I don't want to drink... I don't want to feel guilty anymore. I'm embarrassed... I drink alone, at my house. I don't even know where to start. I'm reading all these things about different recovery philosophies, AA meetings, treatment centers and retreats. It's overwhelming...

If I don't quit I'm going to end up dead. I'm going to get in my car and kill myself or someone else. Please help...
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Place to start?

Postby MRFUNTIME » Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:50 pm

I dont know where to start?[/quote]
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Postby Dallas » Mon Dec 27, 2010 10:19 pm

Hello MrFunTime. First, welcome to the site. We'll do everything we can do to help you. I came across a link recently that I sent to another military guy -- for something that is specifically for military guys by military guys. And, I'll look it up and get it to you. Please keep coming back here, too and let me know if you think the link for support has value for you and if it's helping.

Secondly -- I just want to express my heartfelt thank you and gratitude to you and for you. My heart really goes out to you combat guys and I would be there with you if they'd take me. I've had the privilege of being able to to try and help a few civilian contractors who have returned from combat zones and I'm aware of the unique and difficult challenges that all of you are facing daily.

There are several AA's that are in combat areas and probably some are real near you. The trick now will be to find how to get you and them hooked up together. I'm sure they can help. Until then, I'm here for you to do the best that I can do. Anytime you'd like to contact me by Private Message -- if you'd rather something not be in public, please contact me through private message.

Let me get busy looking for that link and I'll get back w/ you ASAP.

Best wishes and highest regards for you!

Dallas B.
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Postby Dallas » Mon Dec 27, 2010 11:06 pm

Here is one link that lists the link that I'll include below it. I enclude this one for future reference in case they add more resources to the page:

www.aa-intergroup.org/directory_specialty.php?code=mil

and, it links to this page:

http://forums.military.com/eve/forums/a/frm/f/3050096312001

Recently, while writing an article on PTSD, I came across: An organization that I have found that is already engaged in actively helping those that are suffering with PTSD, and that has much information that is helping me to learn more is:
www.ptsdhealing.org and www.militaryministry.org

I'm hoping that some of the members here on the site that are Veterans will see your message and will jump in here to offer their support to.

Something else I'd like to mention is: Alcohol-ism is not a moral issue. It's a condition. Just like when someone has diabetes or a heart condition.
And, it's treatable.

If you hurt your back and you can't walk -- feeling guilty that your back is hurt & you can't walk -- isn't going to do anything to help. The same goes w/ alcohol-ism. I understand the guilt & remorse feelings. I was loaded up with them when I was newly sober and before sobriety because I thought my drinking was just bad and undisciplined behavior that I wasn't controlling. I later learned, that I didn't drink because of undiscipline or bad behavior after I became alcoholic (maybe before I did) ... but I drank because I was alcoholic.

There's an old saying that may have some truth in it, in regards to someone that has become alcoholic: First the man takes a drink. Then, the drink takes the man. And, after the drink takes the man -- the drink takes the drink. When an alcoholic takes a drink -- their body does not metabolize alcohol like a non-alcoholic body metabolizes alcohol. The alcoholic's body has what we call "an abnormal reaction" to alcohol. Some refer to it as "an allergy". If the alcoholic can find a way to not have the first drink -- he doesn't have to worry about taking the next drink. But, after he takes the first drink -- all bets are off -- because a condition in his/her body will set up what we call a "phenomenom of craving the next one."

Just not drinking the next first drink would be a simple solution -- which will work for some hard-drinkers -- but, not for the alcoholic.

A condition in the alcoholic's mind -- has learned at an unconscious level -- that when certain stimuli are present -- at which the alcoholic is most often unaware of -- because it's unconscious, or a certain feeling (emotion) comes up -- the only thing that will bring relief and comfort is alcohol.

For the alcoholic -- alcohol is not the problem -- it's a solution to the problem. So, they have to find a different solution.

They can't drink because they are alcoholic and it will kill them -- but they can't not drink because they've become alcoholic. A real live Catch 22. It finally progresses to a condition where they can't live with it and they can't live without it. They have to have a sufficient "substitute" for alcohol.

What AA offers is: A set of tools to use and a lifestyle -- that can remove the mental and emotional obsession with alcohol -- and allow the alcoholic to withdraw from alcohol and engage in sober healthy living without alcohol.

While there have been reports of instantaneous recoveries -- most of the time (nearly all that I know of, including myself) it takes time, and working the tools of the solution. And, it's simple -- but it sure isn't easy.

I hope I haven't over-loaded you with too much information! So, maybe I should end this here for now.

I would encourage you with everything within me -- if you suspect that your life is in danger (and reality: how could it not be in danger in a combat zone!) talk to a military doctor at once! Tell him that you used to drink for the fun of it or whatever -- but the drinking is not the fun that it may have been in the past. I'm sure the doc can refer to you get help. It's NOT a dishonorable thing to become alcoholic -- though it could lead to a dishonorable situation or death -- to not get it treated. Think of it like you would food poisoning. No need to feel guilty or bad or dishonorable to see the doc for food poisoning, right? Alcohol-ism is more serious than food poisoning. I've been told that combat docs are well versed in alcohol-ism -- but, they can't do anything to help a soldier until the soldier reaches out and asks for help.

And, once it's treated and you're in recovery -- you can get back to normal living while sober. The best years of your life and your career can be in front of you! Without treatment -- the best years will be history.

Dallas
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Postby PeaceJoy » Tue Dec 28, 2010 1:23 pm

MrFunTime,

I hope you find an AA meeting in your area. They have them all over, all times of the day. There's men only meetings, there's different age groups in them but you would be suprised how at home you will feel in a group of people who KNOW what you're going through. We are from all walks of life but we've all been afflicted with this disease and it has a way of bringing us together, people who would not normally mix. This disease is progressive and it's ugly. AA will help if you give it a try.

PeaceJoy~
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Postby flea » Tue Dec 28, 2010 5:21 pm

MRFUNTIME,

I posted earlier thinking you'd left the service but from your profile it appears you're still on active duty. That complicates things a bit because there might be an issue with your security clearance.

Every base I was on had a group of retirees living around it. Any local AA group will have a fair percentage of them. They would be the best folks to ask if using the military drug and alcohol programs will negatively affect your career. Remember, the folks around you often know you have a problem before you do anyway.

I can tell you, I don't think I'd have been able to get sober without an inpatient program- but that's just me. You've made a start here. Asking for help in person might require every bit of the courage you needed in combat.

Thank you for your service.

flea
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Hey Everyone

Postby MRFUNTIME » Tue Dec 28, 2010 6:01 pm

Dallas, Thank you so much for your encouragement. I just got home from work but I will take a look at the links this evening. Yesterday I was feeling pretty down but I feel much better today just talking about it. I usually suffer alone.

Flea, currently I am still on active duty. This does complicate things because I dont know if entering the Army substance abuse program will negatively effect my career. Also, I'm a combat medic. Part of my job is recognizing symptoms of combat fatigue, shell shock, ptsd etc. I have a reputation of being confident and having my issues in order. I value this reputation because I don't want to lose my soldiers trust. They need to be able to trust me completely in order to do their job without the extra worry about their medic. I'm hoping to get treatment but anonomously.

PeaceJoy, do I have to call the AA place? Can I just show up? Do I have to talk and do an intro on my first night? Will I be given a sponsor? I'm just going off what I've seen on the movies and TV haha. Any info you could give me would be great.

Thanks everyone

Day 2...
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Postby Dallas » Tue Dec 28, 2010 6:28 pm

Congrats on Day Two!!!

For me, hour two used to be impossible! So, it really blew me away when I discovered I was on Day Two! :lol:

Two days is a big deal! You see now you know how to do it for 48 hrs -- and the only thing you need to do? Is do it for another 24 hrs! Just 24 hrs at a time! And, you can do that! :lol:

Without help -- if you're like I was, you might not be able to do it for long. I did it for 5 1/2 months my first time in AA -- but then I had a sip of a "her drink"... and it took me another six months to get sober again! :lol:

I've got the word out to some military friends and veterans asking them to send me any info, links and resources that they got. Some have offered their selves -- and their private emails for support.

Once we can get this info together for you -- maybe we can get it posted here and be able to help other military people with it! That's my hope! This kept me up all night last night thinking and digging -- and as I was about to lay down for a quick nap -- I discovered about 100 websites related to "my day job" work that had been hacked and destroyed -- so, I'm having to take care of the job that pays the rent, too! :lol:

Please don't give up! Hang in there! The Calvary is on it's way! :lol:

Dallas
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Postby PeaceJoy » Wed Dec 29, 2010 1:05 am

MrFunTime,

You don't have to share at a meeting. People might introduce themselves and you shake their hand, etc. but you certainly don't need to tell your story or say anything. One thing that is helpful is to get a schedule and try different meetings. So look up a meeting in your area and just show up. There's nothing else you have to do. When you get there you will hear amazing things. Just suit up and show up. That's all you have to do. :)

PeaceJoy~
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Postby sunlight » Wed Dec 29, 2010 10:55 am

Here's my wish: that this is day 3 for you! :D

Know that you are among friends here AND at an AA meeting. We are all the same in that we have this illness and have found the solution! :shock:

Do you have a big book? I think it would be so helpful to get one and read it. Wasn't till I read it that I could see that I am an alcoholic.

Please keep in touch. We are with you.
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