Alcoholic Self-Restraint

[sunlight]

I always thought I was pretty cool in the self-restraint department (the 4th and 8th steps showed another picture) which is why it baffled me that I couldn't control my drinking.

But the one area where I was off the charts with lack of self-restraint was my mouth. I was always shooting off my yap about something. If I had an opinion, you were gonna hear about it! Because not only was I important, I was right!
Every time I opened my mouth my foot was sure to be in it, and wreckage was in the wake. If malice was in the mix, it was really ugly. Someone once got me a t-shirt that said, "You met your match" cuz I could DESTROY you with words or the silent treatment.

When I came to AA I had no problem talking at meetings. Yada, yada. I was literally told, "Suit up and show up, suit up and grow up, suit up and shut up!"

Did it hurt my feelings and crush my ego? Sure. But they had something I wanted- sobriety-so I thought I'd better listen. And deep down I knew they were right.

I discovered I was hiding, behind words, just as much as the silent person in the corner.

This opened the door to realizing I lacked restraint in other areas, that I had become a mindless consumer of resources, pleasure and people.
This did not fit with "going green" at all!

So, I am learning to pause and ask for the right thought or action.

"We alcoholics are undisciplined, so we let God discipline us."

I also ask for balance so I don't swing the other way and let self-restraint become self-absorption. Won't be useful that way either.
Don't want to lose my spontaneity, creativity and serendipity!

Hmmm...am I rambling? Would YOU like to share?

[Ranman99]

I'm the most selfish and self centred person I've ever known.

I had a big shift when I started to attend meetings and only listen for the new comers and the people that needed help and leave my bag of nonsense with my sponsor. I would share near the end only my own experience with the program. I would try not to cross talk but I would share my own experience with the program where it kinda was triggered for me while I was listening to the meeting.

I had to do this for many reasons. One was that I am a horrible listener and left to my own devices would not really give a flying ... about anyone else's problems just my own. The other reason is a had found how the power works for me.

It was weird after that the meetings were a very interesting event and I never seemed to get more than I could handle. I usually only do two or three meetings a week but I talk to others every day.

Depending on what was going on in my life always the right person showed up some times it was a celebration for someone I had chatted with many months before picking up a 6 or 9 months chip unexpectedly. Sometimes it was someone dying and they would have walked away without talking except me and my pals reached out.

It is a wild ride for shore.

Ciao,

[Grahamsxm]

Self restraint encompasses so much for me. My main problem at the moment is exercising any sort of self restraint when it comes to my manipulations.

I seem to be able to do this in my sleep and half the time I dont even know I am doing it

This puts a huge block on me moving forwards. Removing this one defect would be a huge milestone . Its a weight I could well do without