I always thought I was pretty cool in the self-restraint department
(the 4th and 8th steps showed another picture) which is why it baffled me that I couldn't control my drinking.
But the one area where I was off the charts with lack of self-restraint was my mouth. I was always shooting off my yap about something. If I had an opinion, you were gonna hear about it! Because not only was I important, I was right!
Every time I opened my mouth my foot was sure to be in it, and wreckage was in the wake. If malice was in the mix, it was really ugly. Someone once got me a t-shirt that said, "You met your match" cuz I could DESTROY you with words or the silent treatment.
When I came to AA I had no problem talking at meetings. Yada, yada. I was literally told, "Suit up and show up, suit up and grow up, suit up and shut up!"
Did it hurt my feelings and crush my ego? Sure. But they had something I wanted- sobriety-so I thought I'd better listen. And deep down I knew they were right.
I discovered I was hiding, behind words, just as much as the silent person in the corner.
This opened the door to realizing I lacked restraint in other areas, that I had become a mindless consumer of resources, pleasure and people.
This did not fit with "going green" at all!
So, I am learning to pause and ask for the right thought or action.
"We alcoholics are undisciplined, so we let God discipline us."
I also ask for balance so I don't swing the other way and let self-restraint become self-absorption. Won't be useful that way either.
Don't want to lose my spontaneity, creativity and serendipity!
Hmmm...am I rambling? Would YOU like to share?