Hurting Today

Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober
Posts: 56
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:14 pm
Location: Indiana

Hurting Today

Postby merckx » Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:58 am

Today has been a tough day for me. I miss my son a lot today... I hurt today, spent a lot of this morning either on the verge of tears or sitting at my desk crying. I have his pictures saved on my work computer, spent some time this morning looking at him. Hurt is probably an understatement ... crushed and desperate for my child ... those are more accurate words. Our second child is due one week after our first son's due date.

It's been 224 days since my son was born still. Don't want to drink and don't need to drink. Figure today is just one of those days that I need to mourn and allow the God of my understanding to provide me with comfort and strength.

I don't have my son today.

I'd appreciate your prayers for my wife and myself. I need them today.

I'm not concerned today about not drinking. That has already been decided on. I just want to do more than "make it through" today. I want to take advantage of the day I have been given today, its the only day like it that I am going to get. I want to live today in the promises that God of my understanding has made me.

Site Admin
Posts: 4786
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby Dallas » Mon Jan 31, 2011 1:14 pm

My heart, thoughts & prayers are with you merckx. I understand.

I remember hearing a story once that made a huge impression on me. I'll try to re-create it to share. It went something like this: There was a child that went to heaven. In heaven, things were wonderful. All the kids there were playing, laughing, smiling, happy and having fun, 24/7. When the new kid got there he wouldn't join in the play and fun with the other kids, and wouldn't laugh or smile. He kept to himself and wouldn't join in w/ the cheerful activities with the other kids. Finally, someone asked him, "Why are you so sad? Why won't you laugh and smile and play with the other kids?" The kids reply was: "My mommy & daddy are still crying for me and they're so sad -- I'd feel too guilty to be happy and to smile or play with the other kids."

The source of my pain & hurting over those that I've lost in the past, has always been because "I don't know for sure -- what they are experiencing. I don't know what it's like on the other side."

However, everyone I've ever listened to, that have had near-death, or death and then revived experiences have had one thing in common -- they have ALL been impressed with the beauty and peacefulness and happyness of the other side. And, some will say, "It was so beautiful that I didn't want to return -- but, I felt like I had work to do here."

Some will say that there is total proof and evidence of what happens when we pass. Some will say that there isn't. I don't think any of us will know -- positively -- until we're there. Then, we'll know -- or we won't know.

What is a fact though: is our experience is determined by our perception of "what happens on the other side." My experiences have been so painful, like yours, that I became willing to re-examine my beliefs & perceptions -- and to make changes, that would support me, rather than devastate me.

If there is life after death -- and we go somewhere after we die -- then, where were we -- and what were we doing -- before we were here in this body, this time? If "Life itself" is never ending -- then, what happens to the Life -- that we experience -- while we are in our physical body?

I have had many "out of body" experiences. Because of how wonderful they were, and the benefits to them -- I would have prefered to "stay out of the body"... the difference was... I couldn't feel the ice cream as I swallowed it. :wink:

Just a question: If you believe your son is gone, because his body is not here with you -- your belief would prevent him from revealing his presence with you -- if he were to be with you.

Are we not -- more than our body? People lose body parts, arms, legs, etceteras -- and continue to live. Who can say, for sure, that if we lost our whole body -- that we wouldn't continue to live?

Wishing the best for you.


Posts: 56
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:14 pm
Location: Indiana

Postby merckx » Mon Jan 31, 2011 1:38 pm

Dallas I believe that my son is in heaven with the God of my understanding (who happens to be God the Father/Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit). I think knowing that he is experiencing more there than I ever could give him, and that one day I will be able to share in that with him, gives me a sense of peace and hope. Knowing that He is with the God who rescued me, helps me heal.

I agree with you wholly that our perception determines our experience. I don't know how I would feel today if I didn't have faith.

I think the hurt I feel is due to unfulfilled expectations and a desire to be with my child who I love. The A.A. part of me says, "Expectations are breeding grounds for resentments." There is another part of me that says, "I was created to create". God gave me the ability to reproduce, choose with who and when I reproduce, and to care deeply for my offspring. I think when that desire is unfulfilled, be it permanently or temporarily, at the very least a sense of sadness will be there.

I don't know that the sadness in itself is an issue, I think what we do with it is. That's why I posted today. I knew you or someone else would come along with experience, strength, and hope I need to hear today.

Thanks for sharing that experience, strength, and hope with me.

Posts: 78
Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:20 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Postby sparklek » Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:43 pm

Thank you for sharing. I have learned feeling is a part of my sobriety and sometimes that means experiencing feelings like sadness that I use to drink over. The nice thing to know is that whatever I am feeling today will not last forever. My prayers are with you as you go through grieving and I thank you for opening your life to us. This is how we get better.

Posts: 137
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 1:49 am
Location: Washington

Postby PeaceJoy » Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:26 pm


I can't imagine what you're going through. Your son would be very proud that his parents made it through this tough time. And that Dad didn't drink over it. You are strong but lean on God to get you through this. And thank you for the reminder that my problems are small. I pray you find peace.


Posts: 599
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:03 pm
Location: Denver Co

Postby sunlight » Wed Feb 02, 2011 2:34 pm

Years ago, my daughter miscarried my unborn grandson.

I was drinking then, and all I remember was sitting in the hospital drunk, because I did not want to experience the pain of the loss. But I wasn't able to comfort my daughter either.

When I got sober, my sponsor's daughter died of cancer. It was then I was given the opportunity to feel the grief for my grandson that I had buried for so long, and to go through the five stages of grieving: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

When I got to step 9, my amends to my daughter were painful and liberating. And I was able to forgive myself and release the guilt I felt for not being there when my girl needed me.

I do not understand God. But I do trust in His care.

And I do believe that the love we create is alive and lives forever.

God bless you with sweetness and deep joy.
You and your family are in my prayers and in the prayers of our fellowship

Peace be with you,

Posts: 56
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:14 pm
Location: Indiana

Postby merckx » Thu Feb 03, 2011 8:47 am

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.

My wife and I, along with our parents found out that we will be having a boy.

We weren't scheduled to see our doctor for a ultrasound to find out the sex until March but we couldn't wait.

Posts: 471
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:50 pm

Postby Toast » Thu Feb 03, 2011 11:57 am

Great news!

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy :lol:

Best wishes for the future. :P

Posts: 78
Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:20 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Postby sparklek » Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:27 pm

Congrats! What a miracle to see the way life turns even the darkness to light. This is my hope for today :)

Return to “Help for alcoholics who want to stay sober”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests