Hey guys. It's been awhile since I've been on here.... Sorry, classes have been taken a tole out on me.
I was just thinking about this when reading you guys posts. I really love this site and it's members! Awsome, awsome stuff! You know when I first worked the steps I was holding on to so much that I just wanted it to end. I was sick enough that dying actually had become a reasonable option for me!!! Purely insane.
I'm one of those guys that nothing less than a spiritual experience would have kept me in the rooms. I get to see some people come into the rooms and they sit around and make coffee and take out the trash and get by with as little as they can as far as the STEPS go and they can stay sober!! Those people amaze me!!! I don't understand how they do it.
Alcohol had beaten me into a hopeless state of mind and body! I was ready for something different and it didn't really matter what it was. So I got a sponsor and used him (that means calling him and doing what he suggested even if it seemed pointless at the moment). He didn't just tell me what an alcoholic was he told me his experiences with drinking and where it had gotten him. I could finally relate to someone and I'm telling you I lived "ALONE" for a long time (even when there was a room full of people around me). He explained to me that a higher power much greater than any man he had ever met had restored him to sanity and was willing to do the same for me. He had me read the Big Book and answer the questions as they came up. He pointed out in How it Works that "HONESTY" is mentioned 3 times before the steps are ever addressed. That set off a flag that maybe I might need to be honest when I did work the steps. In that dark moment I had a small glimpse of HOPE that maybe..... just maybe this stuff might actually work. Not much faith had developed in me (I was pretty beaten up) but I went on with the inventory. I did it to the best of my ability, clearing out my closet, still just hoping that maybe just maybe I had a chance for this. I shared it with my sponsor and found my faults in pretty much every situation. Even though I had thought I had no part in it, I found that my selfish self-centered actions had placed me into the postion to have these things happen to me. Wow what a releif!!! I wasn't a natural born screw up!!!! I was just sick!!!!! Amazing! More will be revieled the further we go. I worked toward being a better person putting my uttmost "character defects on paper" and addressing the most common first. (Something started happening but I wasn't sure what it was). I kinda felt good so I decided to start going alittle further.... I had already made a list in my fourth step and really wanted to make things right with those I had harmed. The first amends that I did was hard and probably not perfect but it felt good to get out what had bothered me so long. So I decided to do another..... before I knew it 6 months had gone by and my list had started getting smaller! Drinking thoughts had left me, and I was actually trying to help out with AA events and in the community.... and the kicker was that I actually liked doing it!?!? Whodathunkit? A selfish self centered person like me actually not getting offeneded or jealous when I someone in the group shared about something good that was happening in their life!!!! People started coming around me more, I found myself in the middle of the group and if I didn't go to a meeting that night I was getting called and asked why I wasn't there?!?!? People actually care about me?!?!?!!?!? The promises came true for me and I hadn't even realized it!!!! My life was getting better and I had quite counting days! Before i knew it a year had passed and I'm going to tell my story in other groups, Excepting sponsorship from new memebers, and chairing meetings!
I found out that the steps were not created to work once. More will be revieled the further I choose to seek. I'm currently on my 4th, 4th step inventory and finding out way more that I would have ever imagined. I've found not to put limitations on God as I understand him because I would be shortchanging myself of what he can do for me and you!!!
Sorry to be so winded in this short story!!
but when I get an urge to share on the steps and how they've worked in my life I get into it!!!! Thanks guys and God Bless you all!!!!