My heart, thoughts & prayers are with you merckx. I understand.
I remember hearing a story once that made a huge impression on me. I'll try to re-create it to share. It went something like this: There was a child that went to heaven. In heaven, things were wonderful. All the kids there were playing, laughing, smiling, happy and having fun, 24/7. When the new kid got there he wouldn't join in the play and fun with the other kids, and wouldn't laugh or smile. He kept to himself and wouldn't join in w/ the cheerful activities with the other kids. Finally, someone asked him, "Why are you so sad? Why won't you laugh and smile and play with the other kids?" The kids reply was: "My mommy & daddy are still crying for me and they're so sad -- I'd feel too guilty to be happy and to smile or play with the other kids."
The source of my pain & hurting over those that I've lost in the past, has always been because "I don't know for sure -- what they are experiencing. I don't know what it's like on the other side."
However, everyone I've ever listened to, that have had near-death, or death and then revived experiences have had one thing in common -- they have ALL been impressed with the beauty and peacefulness and happyness of the other side. And, some will say, "It was so beautiful that I didn't want to return -- but, I felt like I had work to do here."
Some will say that there is total proof and evidence of what happens when we pass. Some will say that there isn't. I don't think any of us will know -- positively -- until we're there. Then, we'll know -- or we won't know.
What is a fact though: is our experience is determined by our perception of "what happens on the other side." My experiences have been so painful, like yours, that I became willing to re-examine my beliefs & perceptions -- and to make changes, that would support me, rather than devastate me.
If there is life after death -- and we go somewhere after we die -- then, where were we -- and what were we doing -- before we were here in this body, this time? If "Life itself" is never ending -- then, what happens to the Life -- that we experience -- while we are in our physical body?
I have had many "out of body" experiences. Because of how wonderful they were, and the benefits to them -- I would have prefered to "stay out of the body"... the difference was... I couldn't feel the ice cream as I swallowed it.
Just a question: If you believe your son is gone, because his body is not here with you -- your belief would prevent him from revealing his presence with you -- if he were to be with you.
Are we not -- more than our body? People lose body parts, arms, legs, etceteras -- and continue to live. Who can say, for sure, that if we lost our whole body -- that we wouldn't continue to live?
Wishing the best for you.