- Concerns about my sponsor!

Concerns about my sponsor!




Discussions related to Sponsors, Sponsoring, Working with others,

Concerns about my sponsor!

Postby Rose » Wed Mar 01, 2006 1:52 pm

Hi My name is Rose and I am an alcoholic. You know I could drink the #### but never spell it LOL. Wish there was spell check here.
Back to the subjest! Ok I am with my second sponsor in 29 months. The first one I told her she was using me to take her here and there, she was not helping me, I was helping here to get around so I changed sponsors.
Now I am wondering If I chose the right one or not.
My sponsor had a slip just over a year ago so now is is sober just over 1 year. Her mate keeps slipping, but thats not the issue at hand. I am wondering how far a sponsor should go. If I don't call her she does not call me. Even if I miss a moth of meetings. Sometimes I get into a hole and make excusses not to go to a meeting. She never calls to be concerned. MAybe its just me1 I thing I am getting bored at my home group. I feel I am not getting anything. I go to a open dissusion group. I think I need to venture around and maybe changer groups.
I know deep inside if I continue to miss meetings I will slip. I get depressed and moody and I know where that will leave me.
Not sure do you think it's just me ?
Rose
 
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Postby Dallas » Wed Mar 01, 2006 8:15 pm

Rose, thank you for sharing.

The only answer that I can share... is to share what I did, and would do, myself. It may not be what you need to do. I can only speak for me, and not AA. If you can get anything worth anything out of my sharing... I hope that you do. If you don't get anything worth anything out of it, that's okay... the world is full of answers!

First off... if my sponsor started drinking again, while he was my sponsor, that would be another clue that it was time for me to search for a new sponsor. (I would have probably had several clues previously, but just failed to consider them). We used to joke a lot when I was new in AA, that... "If the guy whose your sponsor today drinks... you'll end up becoming his sponsor tomorrow."

The 12 Steps: The 12 Steps in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous "is" the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The meetings are meetings. The dances are dances. The picnics are picnics.

Back in 1939, when the bunch of no-name drunks had finished writing their book, Alcoholics Anonymous (which is where and how they made a record of what it was they were doing to achieve sobriety)... they decided to call themselves "Alcoholics Anonymous" so that they would have a name, when someone asked "Who are you guys?" After that time, we had two AA’s. One was a book, with the recovery program in it. The other was the fellowship who called themselves AA’s.

The AA’s started selling their book through the mail, with the hopes that another alcoholic would read the book, follow the instructions in the book, and would achieve sobriety the same way that they had done.

As part of the instructions in the book (Chapter 7 and Chapter 11), the newly sober alcoholic, was to look for another still drinking alcoholic and try to help them achieve sobriety, by carrying the message in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous to them. And, as a result of that, we now have over 150,000 Groups of AA’s who have AA meetings in about 125 different countries around the globe.

AA was not the first time that a group of drunks had come up with a treatment for alcoholism. About 100 years before AA, five drunks meeting in a tavern decided they would all stop drinking together and help each other stay stopped. Their program was simply one drunk talking to another drunk to help them stay sober. Their primary purpose at the time, was to "just don't drink." They, too, started some meetings. That became their program... going to Washingtonian meetings, and carrying a message of "just don't drink." And, in three and a half years they grew faster than AA would ever hope to grow. They named themselves “The Washingtonians.â€
Dallas
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Postby Rose » Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:59 pm

Thanks Dallas for sharing with me. I know what I have to do about the problem with my sponsor. I think I will also find a new meeting to attend and mybe even dissus some of my delemia's. Again thank you so much for your time. wisdom and knowledgeans for sharing. God bless you!
Rose
 
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Location: Oshawa Ontario

Postby Dallas » Thu Mar 02, 2006 1:02 am

:lol: Thank you Rose!!!

It's people like you who make my life so good!!! So, keep coming back! My life wouldn't be so good without you!

Dallas
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:50 pm

hey rose, glad ya stil here... like Dallas, i can share my experiance and my path... i toofelt the feelings of get'n bored with my homegroup... was it them, or me?... so i went on some road trips... out of town... nice for a bit... but the time, $$$ and energy to pull it off wasn't realized til way later....people were a call'n, hey PC, where ya been?... buz'n round da rooms... PC relapsed... he in jail, and the best one... i was in the ICU with a heart attack... the concern for me was real, the love... it was just me... that was out of sorts... it took all of this to realize... de'r no place like home... as for the sponser bit... wait til ya here this one... about 7 months ago... i was at a meets, someone was kind'a go'n against the grain on the coffee set-up... nut'n big'y... i turn to my sponser and say... memb'a, it about change... well holly chitz, he turned to me and said... will you get off the F'k'n pink cloud of yours....woe, hold on to the PC, RZ.lol... i was furiated... i say will ya like to talk about this.... nope... i go out side... no one that has what i want there. i call my sweetie, she say go back and exspress what you feel to him. here comes the Big Foot... my friend and now new sponser... i tell him what happened. he say nt to act on my feelings, just exspress them also... i catch sponser aft'a the meets... say... what you said to me was hurtfull, and destructive... and i left... he called later that night... we talked abit. the only problem i had with him was over God... he see black and white, i see all kinds of shades of grey... it works for me, and keeps me on that pink cloud til this day... so my point was ... i didnt just say, hey ass hole, i fire you as a sponser cuz you made me med... i took some time to really look at the situation, prayed on it, talked to a few about it... and made a dessision to turn my sponsership one to Big Foot... destiny, yet again... i love BF, he 18 yrs in the rooms, lived a life similar to me, relationship wise we relate, and he doesnt tell me what i want to hear. he tells me what i need to hear... i know now that what went on that night was him seeing me as what he wants to be... we are great friends stil, and we stil bounce back things off each other... one day not to long ago he say, hey PC, aint that a bit grey... i say yep, and you helped me to see that way. through your shortcomings.. we laughed... i now have the growth from new guidance with my new sponser... and my old one is geting what he need through me. we all are talking thru God in are own way... its only when i'm aware enough to see, do i get the spiritual growth... good wishes to ya Rose... that awareness only comes with real surender to my problem... xo Ya.. PC :wink:
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Postby Rose » Thu Mar 02, 2006 6:02 pm

Thanks so much for thr sharing. Lots of insite to your sharing. I know if I slace off of the meeting I will fall. This is something I do not want to happen. I am just going to wonder around and check out different meetings. The ones I go to are open and not discussion. I think I need discussion groups. As for my sponsor I think I will give her a call today and discuss some things that I am feeling. Because right now I am scared because I just did step 1-3 and started 4 today. I need and want the content spberity you all have. I am happy but not true contentment. Thank you so much for allowing me to share and caring about me. Another happy 24 hours to all !
xo :P Rose
P.s.
Dallas you got to get us a spell check LMAO!
Rose
 
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Location: Oshawa Ontario

Sponsors

Postby wareagle10 » Mon Mar 20, 2006 2:56 am

Rose: I have always had a problem with sponsorship, mainly because I have this enormous character defect. I hate authority and being told what to do and I have found most sponsors want to run your life for you. Not all sponsors but a lot of sponsors. I would suggest that you pick up a piece of free literature called "On Sponsorship" and read it a couple of times. It tells you what a sponsor "is" and "is not". To me a sponsor is one who guides you to A. A. and builds a faith in the program and not on the sponsor. Sponsors are human and therefore make all the mistakes that humans make, and remember, they are alcoholics too.
In my first years I tried to have sponsors, it just didn't work. I had chosen a guy that was an ex-convict, had never asked him to be my sponsor, but was getting ready. He had what I thought was a tremendous program and he was "suggestive only" in his manner. The day I was going to ask him, he died of a heart attack.
I picked one of his sponsees and began to hang with him, he started borrowing money from me to a point that I couldn't afford him so I backed away. I picked another that I thought would be OK and the following week he stood up as a newcomer. I figured that I was having really bad luck, they were either drinking, lying or dying. I talked to a couple of other drunks and they pleaded with me not to choose them, like I had the Midas touch or something. Ha. Anyway another crusty old drunk said to me, "John, you know you are just where you are supposed to be, it just might be that you are not supposed to have a sponsor right now, why don't you pick a few people and make them your friends and share with them like you would with a sponsor". I did just that and over the years it has worked well for me. These "friends" are aware that I am using them as sponsors but without the formality of asking and they seem to feel that this is OK. I don't know if this has helped any, but, it is not the end of the world if you don't have a sponsor right now, take your time and make sure that you are making a good choice. Ask some of the people that are sponsored by that person. See what they have to say. BUT DO NOT QUIT GOING TO MEETINGS, YOU NEED MEETINGS MORE THAN YOU NEED A SPONSOR. THE SPONSOR WILL SHOW THEMSELVES AND YOU WILL KNOW. I am not talking down sponsorship, but it sounds like you need to take a breather from worrying about it, find some friends and confide in them and KEEP GOING TO MEETINGS.
Good luck and Straight ahead, John.
wareagle10
 
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Postby Dallas » Wed Apr 12, 2006 11:41 am

Hey Rose,

I hope all is well with you. Haven't heard any updates from you. Check in and let us know how things are progressing and give us the latest report on your adventures!

Dallas
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