Good to hear from you again!
Your welcome to hang out w/ us here in the forum and on the site. If I can be of help or support to you -- regardless if you're alcoholic or not -- I'll gladly do what I can to help.
It's good to remember that when we share -- we'll be talking primarily about "us and our experience"... so don't get the feeling that we're talking about you.
If you do decide to try out AA... I'd suggest to be sure they are what's referred to as "Open Meetings." Those are open to anyone in the community and many of them will be geared for "those who have a drinking problem" and they may not be alcoholic. And, for those that would like to learn more. They don't always stick to this and you can run into some goof-balls and goofy situations -- please don't let that discourage you. Even the produce section at a supermarket gets goof-balls!
And, I'd suggest to attend "speaker meetings" only. Again, not all speaker meetings are the same. Some will be good and some not so good. In speaker meetings, typically, you don't have to introduce yourself or talk about yourself. Their format is for listening.
I'd also suggest "not sharing" and "not talking much" af first. And, that's primarily for your own benefit. You might want to keep it to something like "I have a desire to stop drinking. I may or may not be alcoholic. I don't know." Or, to keep it even simpler with "I'd just like to get more information."
In today's world -- many non-alcoholics give up drinking just like many people have given up smoking. They feel better. They smell better. They tend to live longer (I've heard)... and it's a growing "more social thing to do." And, many non-alcoholics and non-addicted-to-anything people choose a "Sobriety Lifestyle"... some of them even live & practice the 12 Steps as a way to live a better life.
When I first came to AA and stopped drinking -- I was terrified of what my "drinking friends" would think about me!
Would they think I was weak and/or had a drinking problem?
Would they think I was no longer tough enough or cool enough to hang out w/ the Big Dogs?
Would people think I was a weird-o or a goodie-good because I didn't drink?
Of course... by the time that I first came to AA, I had experience many alcohol-related problems -- but to me, my friends and family... we were all SURE that I was NOT an alcoholic!
Maybe, fortunately for me -- my first effort to stop drinking w/ AA's help only lasted about 5 1/2 months before I started drinking again. I wasn't convinced that I was a real alcoholic -- but I did lie a lot and tell them that I was an alcoholic.
I was REALLY trying hard to "not drink" for six months -- because I had the idea that this would prove that "I only had some problems, I solved the problems, I'm not alcoholic, so I can get back to drinking socially." I screwed up and drank -- unintentially -- before the six month target date. And, then I discovered that even w/ AA's help... I couldn't stop drinking again. I did mostly a lot of "controlled drinking"... At least I thought and felt like I was in control of it.
There had been other times that I had quit drinking before going to AA. Once... I did quit for about six months (I think it was six months) ... because I had bought a nightclub and was pursuing a pretty big business deal. I knew that my drinking "could" screw it all up -- if I lost control or did something dumb while drinking -- just once.
So... I definitely relate to being in the middle of a crowd that drinks a lot -- and being the "non-drinker." I didn't really care too much if people liked me or not. I figured that was my business. And, I never was much into people pleasing. I was more of a "what you see is what you get" kind of guy -- and "take me or leave me -- I don't really give a hoot" kind of guy.
Later on, too... after I finally did get sober and stay sober w/ AA's help, and knew for sure that I really was a "real alcoholic" ... I worked a lot as a bartender -- in some hard-core partying nightclubs -- for the first couple of years in my sobriety. There -- I was the only non-drinker.