Marie,
Nearly every single one of us has experienced pitiful & incomprehendable demoralizing events in our past -- regardless of how far down the barrel it might "appear to others" that we went. That's why we're able to relate, understand and help each other.
The people I meet today are blown away -- if I reveal my past to them -- they say "no way!" So, most of the time -- I don't even mention it at an AA speaker podium or in a meeting. However, I do mention it, or parts of it only when it will be helpful to helping someoen else. Perhaps -- your sponsor could be the same way.
Later on, down the road in this deal -- most of us are able to "look back" and see -- that precisely the right people were in our life -- especially the one's we tell our story to.
My first sponsor -- who heard my 5th Step was nothing like me. The only similarity was he was alcoholic. He was a retired Post Office employee. Had always showed up for his job on time and never missed a day of work even when drinking. He had been married only once and he and his wife had been together since teens. He owned his little house and it was paid for. Raised his kids in the same house. Etcetera. Normal in every regard except for his drinking.
On the other hand -- I would have been like a character from a movie that he watched!
And, what I see today is: He was the perfect guy for me when I was first starting the AA path! And, I owe my life & sobriety to his help.
Here's something to look forward to:
"We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every
twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once
we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are
delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be
alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us.
We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may
have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to
have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink
problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We
feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand
with the Spirit of the Universe." pg 75, BB
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others." ~pg 83-84
