Thank you for sharing yourself with us. You really have a way of reaching deep within and touching our hearts. Thank you.
I was always saving the world when I was drinking. ( Never saw that I couldn't save myself. ) And if things didn't go down the way I
thought they should, you were banished from the planet. And I added all the soap opera drama to the scenario of, "They don't appreciate me, they'll be sorry, don't come crying to me..." I was unbearable, even to myself. It's a wonder someone didn't murder me just to make the world a better place.
What helps today is to take a deep breath, relax and stay totally in the present moment, asking & looking for what I can constructively & positively bring to the situation. And asking how I can best serve my Higher Power & others. Then actually doing it!
This took a lot of dining on humble pie. I choked it down at first, cuz this didn't come easy for me. Sometimes it still feels like I'm dying. I kind of am: dying to my old selfish ways.
Once I get past the discomfort of all that, it becomes easier & even fun.
The bondage of self is a heavy burden.
I got to put this into action last week, attending my ex-husband's funeral. The only people who wanted me there were our children. His friends & relatives even took it upon themselves to call me & tell me how hated I was.
They told me things he'd said about me. How I wanted to prove they weren't true! I wanted to be vindicated!
Instead, I met with my sponsor, called an Al-Anon friend, prayed, meditated and set out to attend the service with grace.
God granted me the serenity!
I was able to add a lot to the event (flowers, food) while remaining in the background. And when the chaplain asked if I'd like to speak during the eulogy, I shot up a request to God for the right words, since I had not intended to speak. People told me later how beautiful it was. That's God, friends.
My way of fixing things only further screws up the works. God's way is perfect beyond imagining.
Practice, practice, practice.....