am i alcoholic too?

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am i alcoholic too?

Postby Ruby » Thu Mar 17, 2011 4:12 pm

Forgive me if this is a bit all over the place. I found u all by typing am I alcoholic into my search engine. It brought me to a 20 question test which I found this link in. Yes the test says I am alcoholic but that isn't really enough for me. Here's a bit of a back story. I use drugs. But I can stop using for stretches of time. I am a professional as well.. . Here is where I struggle...I have been able to kinda control my drinking sorta. I only drink on weekends. I drink a lot when I drink. I drink to get completely smashed that is my goal. I have had patches of trouble because of it but always managed to get out of it. In my mind all people do this. Don't they? Am I really an alcoholic? I only drink on weekends. I have some cravings during the week but manage by doing other things. The reason I am now asking is because things have got worse lately. During the week I am doing whatever to get high or whatever. Drinking nyquil taking an od of t3s taking rx narcotics whatever I can to make it go away. Then spend my weekends smashed. Re reading this I sound crazy but it is what it is.

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Postby Dallas » Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:02 am

Welcome to the site Ruby! I understand...... :wink: And, I'll bet you don't look alcoholic either! :lol:

Here's the deal in a nutshell -- and I'm sure that I've written on this before, here in the forum:

1. Most alcoholics don't look alcoholic.
2. Most alcoholics don't even act like alcoholics! :wink:
3. Most alcoholics don't even drink like alcoholics!
4. And, most non-alcoholics -- drink just like we do -- the alcoholics.

Guess what??? That's what NEARLY ALL of what us alcoholics think... or thought... when it came to us and alcoholism -- especially near the beginning of us considering whether or not we were simply "hard drinkers" when we drank -- or "real" alcoholics.

To sum it up: (And, in nearly ALL cases it works like this)...

NON-alcoholics NEVER even wonder or ask themselves "if" they are -- or could be -- alcoholic or not. To the best of my knowlege, based upon my own personal experience -- and with the experience of knowing, working with, or trying to help many hundreds of alcoholics -- us alcoholics are THE ONLY ONE's -- that ever even consider it.

Alcohol-ism is a condition that tells the alcoholic that has it -- that they don't have it.

None of us "like to admit" that we are different... from others. Yet... each one of us has a case of what I call "terminal unique-ness"... we're totally different "than"... whomever it is that we compare ourselves with!


1. Alcohol-ism tells the alcoholic that they "don't have it."
2. Non-alcoholics "nearly never" think about it...
3. An alcoholic doesn't like to admit that they are different.
4. Yet, an alcoholic will tell you that they are different and, that their case is different! :lol:

I don't know Ruby. I wouldn't want to tell you that you were alcoholic. Besides... only the "individual alcoholic" can pronounce themselves as alcoholics -- for it to mean anything.

So... I'll ask you... "What do you think?"

On the 20 Questions page that you read -- there were some additional links to "other ways"... an alcoholic could find out if they were alcoholic or not. Did you also read those pages?

Here is a links to one of the main ones, just in case:

Read that page... and then let me know what you think about it.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon!

And, wishing the best of the best for you!

Dallas B.

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Postby Ruby » Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:32 am

Yes I did read that. Here's the thing...I'm a psych nurse. Crazy right. I know this stuff inside and out. I studied it. I am a very logical fact based person. How could I be alcoholic? I mean really. I am not like the people I have treated in detox. My drug addiction brought me there at one point but I control that now for the most part. But now alcohol gives me what drugs can not. I manage drugs with drinking and drinking with drugs. Its driving me nuts and leading me here I suppose. I still don't know the answer. If I was my patient I know what I would say. That's easy but I'm not. Does this make any sense?

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Postby merckx » Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:17 am

I found myself asking the same question as you Ruby. I drank on and off during college, each time with the intent to get drunk. When I got out of college I started drinking on the weekends, then after work a couple days a week, and then almost daily. Then I started using marijuana regularly along with drinking.

I would get up in the morning a little high from the night before, grab a few cocktails at lunch 2-3 times a week, and light up or drink up every evening. Most weekends I was intoxicated in some shape or form a few hours after I woke up. Shortly before college up until the time that I met my wife, my life was also driven by the pursuit for sex.

When I met my wife I stop drinking regularly and using marijuana. I got drunk once the first year we were married. I would once, usually 2-3 drinks, every three months. The next two years of our marraige I got drunk once and continued to drink once (2-3 drinks) every three months. I smoked marijuana once at a friends house.

Most would look at my pattern of drinking and say, "This fellow here is not an alcoholic". Until I talk about my mindset. During college I regularly thought about the next time I would drink. When I left school my life was consumed by escaping reality in whatever way I could. I could not stop at one drink, one toke, or one girl.

When I married my wife, I regularly looked for a good enough reason to justify drinking. When I drank 2-3 drinks, it took everything in me to stop. While my life wasn't consumed by drinking, my mind was. My thinking was distorted and I was irritable, restless, and discontent. The world was wrong and I was right. Life cheated me frequently.

It wasn't until I was introduced to A.A. by a friend (now sponsor) and read the Big Book that I realized I was an alcoholic. Today I know without a shadow of a doubt today that I am an alcoholic. The greatest proof to me is that when I stopped drinking completely and worked the steps I found myself to be a new man with a new outlook on life.

As to your thoughts on being addicted to drugs and not the drink , while many might disagree with this, my viewpoint is dope is dope. Whether you drink it, shoot it, snort it, drop it, pop it, or smoke it. People like me like to have their minds chemically altered by whatever will alter it.

I'm with Dallas though ... if you are asking if you are one, you probably are one. The final diagnosis is up to you.

As a pysch nurse, you might be hesistant to use a self test from the big book. So a highly respected test from your field, the CAGE test.

Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking?
Have people annoyed you by criticising your drinking?
Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking?
Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover (eye-opener)?

Answer yes to two or more and it is likely you are one of us ...

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Postby Ruby » Fri Mar 18, 2011 11:05 am

Merck thank you. You sound like me. I have a case of I am unique in my head. I keep doing the I am not *insert stupid idea here* or I haven't *whatever crazy thing* I am in some serious denial. I logically know that. But its like I have this crazy part in my brain that over rules logic. Which isn't who I am. I am very to a fault a logical person. I am crazy intelligent. So I don't get how this could be. I've rationalized the crap out of this and dug a deep hole of denial. And now I'm stuck with this giant fight in my head. The intelligent logical part of me versus this denial part that seems to be winning. It is so strange to me. And now I'm left at a fork asking wtf. What do I do? Where do I go from here? Who am I now?

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Postby merckx » Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:02 pm

Grab a copy of the big book and read it. You can read it online but I prefer the paper and ink version. You can't really make notes in it online.

The book paints an accurate picture of what an alcoholic looks like, what steps can be taken to restore one to sane thinking, and what life will begin to look like when insanity is stored.

If you are open to attending a meeting, go to a speaker meeting and listen to someone else's story. You might find that you relate to all or part of what has been said.

From what you have written it sounds like your life is less than satisfactory. Generally speaking it is hard to find satisfaction, or peace, in life externally when we are in constant conflict internally. Maybe you are an alcoholic, maybe you aren't. That is yet to be decided on by you. What can be said is what you are doing now isn't working. So now might be a good time to try something else.

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Postby sunlight » Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:50 pm

Hi Ruby and welcome!

I had to STOP thinking my way out of my mess and start DOING something, cuz I was just going round and round in a whirlpool.

First, I read the big book. That alone nailed me as an alcoholic. It was like. "How did the people who wrote this book know about ME?"

Then, I attended meetings and listened to others to see if I could identify. Nailed again! :lol: I especially could relate to the insanity part, even though on the outside I looked super and held a high-level job.

So, I suspended trying to figure anything out & decided to suppose that maybe, just maybe, I was an alcoholic and I'd follow the suggestions given in the book.

My life took off so fast from there that I was encouraged and inspired!

If you are an alcoholic, this program will work. If not, you haven't lost a thing and you'll have met some really cool, courageous people. :wink:

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Postby Dallas » Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:22 am

Ruby wrote:But its like I have this crazy part in my brain that over rules logic. Which isn't who I am. I am very to a fault a logical person.

Dr.'s Opinion, pg xvi wrote:Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that,
while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one.

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Postby RichC » Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:49 pm

Your story is like looking at a mirror.
I do not think all people who drink are alcoholics, even those that drink heavily.
But your story is virtually identical to mine. At least what you say in your first post.
I can tell you that my weekends became totally centered on drinking myself into a coma and that was my intent.
I could abstain during the week also.
But come the weekend I was all ready to start drinking.
I even pre-planned out what I would need and when to get it.
Also what I would accomplish that weekend as far as work or honey-dos that needed to get done.
And even what I could do and drink at the same time.

It led to the day I drank myself literally into oblivion.
The ultimate binge if you will.
I got started that day and awoke to my world literally going to pieces.
I do not remember much of it at all.
But I do know when I finally woke up I knew it was over.
I needed to do something and now.
And I did.
I decided I needed help and this had to stop.
Even as I walked out the door headed for a hospital (I had a family member take me) my wife said If I go dont come back.
But I knew if I didnt I wouldnt be around much longer at the pace I was headed.
I went.
Family is still intact btw.

YOU will need to decide if you are or are not.
But as a word of advice.
Be honest with yourself.
YOU know the answer.

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Postby Pebbles » Sun Mar 20, 2011 3:37 pm

Boy, welcome to the forum!! This really takes me back to when I wasn't in the solution...
I drank alot more when I was younger, and after having 3 kids to take care of, my drinking slowed down, but my thoughts and actions remained the same. I could go 6-8 months without taking a drink, but when I did drink, it was alcoholically. Basically I was a dry drunk-and to top it off, my husband was in the AA program, and I would go to meetings and other functions, and listen to all the differences instead of the similarities between me and all the other people. I was around the AA program for 11 years, before I hit my bottom and asked God for help. I "heard" the words "Go to AA" in my head, and a week later, I went to my first AA meeting on my own and introduced myself as an alcoholic. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful, and it's the only disease that tells us that we don't have it.
For me, there's two questions that if I answer "No" to them, then I am an alcoholic, and the first one is:
"Have you been able to quit ENTIRELY on your own?" and the next one is:
"Have you been able to moderate how much you drink?"

Only YOU can decide if you are an alcoholic or not.......If you decide that you are, then Keep Coming Back!!!

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