Welcome to the site Ruby! I understand......
And, I'll bet you don't look alcoholic either!
Here's the deal in a nutshell -- and I'm sure that I've written on this before, here in the forum:
1. Most alcoholics don't look alcoholic.
2. Most alcoholics don't even act like alcoholics!
3. Most alcoholics don't even drink like alcoholics!
4. And, most non-alcoholics -- drink just like we do -- the alcoholics.
Guess what??? That's what NEARLY ALL of what us alcoholics think... or thought... when it came to us and alcoholism -- especially near the beginning of us considering whether or not we were simply "hard drinkers" when we drank -- or "real" alcoholics.
To sum it up: (And, in nearly ALL cases it works like this)...
NON-alcoholics NEVER even wonder or ask themselves "if" they are -- or could be -- alcoholic or not. To the best of my knowlege, based upon my own personal experience -- and with the experience of knowing, working with, or trying to help many hundreds of alcoholics -- us alcoholics are THE ONLY ONE's -- that ever even consider it.
Alcohol-ism is a condition that tells the alcoholic that has it -- that they don't have it.
None of us "like to admit" that we are different... from others. Yet... each one of us has a case of what I call "terminal unique-ness"... we're totally different "than"... whomever it is that we compare ourselves with!
1. Alcohol-ism tells the alcoholic that they "don't have it."
2. Non-alcoholics "nearly never" think about it...
3. An alcoholic doesn't like to admit that they are different.
4. Yet, an alcoholic will tell you that they are different and, that their case is different!
I don't know Ruby. I wouldn't want to tell you that you were alcoholic. Besides... only the "individual alcoholic" can pronounce themselves as alcoholics -- for it to mean anything.
So... I'll ask you... "What do you think?"
On the 20 Questions page that you read -- there were some additional links to "other ways"... an alcoholic could find out if they were alcoholic or not. Did you also read those pages?
Here is a links to one of the main ones, just in case:
Read that page... and then let me know what you think about it.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon!
And, wishing the best of the best for you!