boyfriend has become self righteous

A discussion of topics related to relationships in recovery and treatment
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boyfriend has become self righteous

Postby shelleydeann » Sat Mar 19, 2011 6:32 pm

Last edited by shelleydeann on Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby lotusinbloom » Sun Mar 20, 2011 8:14 pm

worry about YOU not him....keep your side of the street clean...don't worry about his...he sounds like he is trying to do YOUR inventory and his arrogance will only lead to relapse....ignore his comments, follow your path with your sponsor AND ask for God's will and ask for love and patience in dealing with your boyfriend

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Postby shelleydeann » Sun Mar 20, 2011 8:50 pm

Last edited by shelleydeann on Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby merckx » Mon Mar 21, 2011 6:43 am

I second that Lotus. Shelley I read your post through a few times and I saw a reoccuring theme, external instead of internal focus. In your post you compared your program to his and passed judgements on why he attended the meetings he attended.

You may be right ... he may be "working" a program for recovery that looks really good on the outside but when examined from the inside is weak. The problem is you and I can't look from the inside. Only he can.

Take a look on your side of the street for a minute. You said "I feel like I am beginning to get a resentment" which means you likely have one. Big or small, resentment is resentment. You and your s/o got in an arguement and you tried calling him all day. That's controlling behavior. He knows how to check voicemail and would of called you when he was prepared to call you.

I remember what arguements w/ my wife looked like before I got sober. She would appear angry or upset and be unwilling to talk about it. I would force the issue until it ended in a huge fight. I wouldn't allow my wife to have a bad day because it made me feel uncomfortable. I was completely focused on her, instead of examining my actions and attitudes.

I have found that my wife will talk to me when she is ready to talk to me. I have also found that when I focus on my actions and attitudes our arguements are few and far in between. There are days when I need to pick up "my stuff" and I do. There are other days that she tries to put "her stuff" on me, which no longer affects me because I am aware of what "my stuff" is. It is much easier to identify trash people throw on my side of the street when I regularly pick up my own.

Keep your focus on your program of recovery and things will work out exactly how God sees fit.

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Postby shelleydeann » Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:07 am

Last edited by shelleydeann on Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Dallas » Mon Mar 21, 2011 3:27 pm

shellydeann wrote:boyfriend has become self righteous

:lol: :lol:

Reminds me of something I heard in a meeting once... "You spot it -- you got it!" :lol:

While the "spot it -- you got it" rule is only most of the time accurate... (there are times when it is not accurate)... when it's NOT accurate... we still have to have "experienced it in our own past" to be able to recognize it.

In relationships -- it's easy to forget that "our main priority is taking care of ourselves -- and taking our own right actions" instead of being so concerned with taking care of someone else and their actions.

When we get sick & tired enough -- of the sick & tired past & the present -- we change. Until then... we try to enjoy it! :lol:

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