- "At some of these we balked" - Step 4 questions

"At some of these we balked" - Step 4 questions




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

Postby Pebbles » Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:44 pm

I know for me that I thought that writing the 4th step would be hard. That was my thinking before I did the steps 1-3. After I completely and thoroughly did the first 3 steps, that fear wasn't there anymore-I was ready to do the 4th step because I had started a relationship with my Higher Power-He was by my side, and I started relying on Him. I was at a point where I hated how I felt, from keeping all that garbage inside of me and so I was ready to get rid of it. For me, I had to get rid of all that bad stuff, so that the good stuff could replace it. The feelings of fear, shame, guilt, remorse, hopelessness were replaced by love, peace, joy and tranquility after the 4th and 5th steps were done. I was willing to go to any length when I got here-and going to any length means doing a complete and thorough 4th step--what it comes down to, is "How good do I want to feel?????"
Pebbles
 
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Postby PeaceJoy » Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:40 pm

Marie,

I finished my 5th step 2 weeks ago and I was so scared to tell my sponsor some of my past. I knew her past was a lot different than mine and I was sure she would 'unfriend me'. I realized that we are only as sick as our secrets and that I want to be well. I don't want to have that crap taking up space in my head and power over me. I used guilt from my past as an excuse to drink. I too did a lot of my worst #### when I was fairly sober, which is embarrassing to me. But it all tied in to my disease and that what I learned when I went through my 5th step. I learned some character defects and I learned some positive traits. I learned some helpful things and I was humbled by telling it all to someone else. My sponsor has her own demons but in the sex category we are polar opposites so I was nervous, believe me. I am sooo grateful to have gone through it and I'm still absorbing it but I can honestly say that finally the urge to drink is subsiding! Maybe it has something to do with this step??? The promises are starting to come true for me and I'm 10 months sober. I hope you do a fearless, searching, thorough 4th step. You'll be relieved when it's over.

Peacejoy~
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Postby marie123 » Tue Mar 22, 2011 7:43 am

I just wanted to report back that I have completed Step 4. Wow, I never thought I would!!!

On Wednesday I am getting together with my sponsor to go over it. I warned her it's not pretty. And she said "I already like you and there's nothing that you've done that would change my opinion of you". She's incredible. :)
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Postby flying fiddler » Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:23 am

I found that I am loved here, here in Alcoholics Anonymous, no matter what I have done. It was an amazing and freeing experience for me to reveal all of my darkest secrets during my 5th step. I felt fear and anxiety with the thought of actually speaking about everything on my 4th step list. I asked my HP for help on this, asking for willingness, direction and courage, courage to do what I knew all along was right.
I went to it. feeling very humble throughout the process. My sponsor was very quiet and did not react to anything. It all felt right in the end.
I realized that no matter what, I am loved here, no one has to tell me that they love me here either, it's just a feeling that I now get. We all share the common goal of staying sober, growing along spiritual lines, towards being loving, kind and tolerant human beings. We all come from different walks of life, high bottom drunks, "6 floors below hell" bottom drunks, etc etc. but we all speak the same language. The language of recover, the language of love.
Helping each other, one day at a time.
Thanks for letting me share
John
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Postby annv » Thu Mar 24, 2011 1:03 am

I've just registered with this forum. I have 7 months of sobriety, have worked through the first 3 steps and am now embarking on the 4th. I have avoided this one a bit which doesn't seem to be unusual from what I've heard from others. I am currently in between sponsors but have decided I need to jump into this step and just get started. I will probably be at it for a while and that's OK.

I really like what marie123 wrote, to include anyting that has shaped me into the woman I am today. I also like the advice above, to JUST DO IT like the Nike commercial says. So that's what I'm going to do!! :D

Looking forward to participating in this forum.
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Postby Jim W » Thu Mar 24, 2011 9:20 am

annv wrote:I've just registered with this forum. I have 7 months of sobriety, have worked through the first 3 steps and am now embarking on the 4th. I have avoided this one a bit which doesn't seem to be unusual from what I've heard from others. I am currently in between sponsors but have decided I need to jump into this step and just get started. I will probably be at it for a while and that's OK.

I really like what marie123 wrote, to include anyting that has shaped me into the woman I am today. I also like the advice above, to JUST DO IT like the Nike commercial says. So that's what I'm going to do!! :D

Looking forward to participating in this forum.


<<I really like what marie123 wrote, to include anyting that has shaped me into the woman I am today.>>

Actually, what you might find is that these things that you write down are not you, they are what you've become. They are all the false beliefs about yourself and others and the world around you. The inventory is the beginning of a process of facing and being rid of this stuff. Not coping with it or dealing with it, but getting rid of it. To cope means to struggle, and I don't know about you, but by the time I got sober, coping had just about killed me. We want to get rid of this stuff. One of my mentors, Don Pritts, used to say "Get rid of who you are not so that who you are can show up." I know this lady around town who says "I'm not my story."

<<I also like the advice above, to JUST DO IT like the Nike commercial says. So that's what I'm going to do!!>>

That's what I say. I'd go so far as to say that those who say that the inventory is hard are the ones who have never completed one. I'm not really interested in hearing why you can't do it. Just do it.
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Postby sunlight » Thu Mar 24, 2011 8:15 pm

Hi Anne and welcome! Great to hear of your 7 months. It's just the beginning of a fantastic journey.

I just finished my 5th step (for the 4th time) and I'm gonna have to get some lead weights to tie me down because I feel like I'm flying higher than flying fiddler! :lol: (BTW I love you John :wink: )

I was driving down the street on my block that I've lived on for 25 years and everything looked different! The trees, the people, the houses, all changed. Took me a minute to comprehend that it was I who had changed!

I can hardly write. I am totally amazed, and I'm not even halfway through! :lol:
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Postby marie123 » Fri Mar 25, 2011 7:38 am

I did my 4th and 5th step two days ago. I was so nervous all day before I met with my sponsor. Worried and palms sweating I told her everything. She knows more about me than anyone else in the world.

44 years of baggage, two ruined marriages, 30 years of drinking, 20 years in and out of therapy and never once have I ever told anyone ALL of my fears, resentments, my wrongs until Wednesday night.

My sponsor didn't judge or criticize or balk. She was gentle and loving and listened. It was a relief to have finally gotten this all out after so much time agonizing over it.

Later on that night we met at a meeting and it was on Step 6 which neither of us knew before getting there as it is not our regular meeting. Coincidence?
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Postby flying fiddler » Fri Mar 25, 2011 9:03 am

Thanks for sharing that Marie123,
I feel joy that you have experienced this, It is such a personal event yet I can fully relate to your experience. I'm smiling as a write this, so happy for you. Your experience is another reminder to me that we are loved here, in Alcoholics Anonymous, no matter what we have done. We are loved unconditionally, without judgment.

I know it was a huge relief for me to finally get it all out. I too anguished over this for a long while, but in the end revealed all of my stuff too. phew!
For me the emotions were at the surface, lots of tears, but thank god, now I get to feel those feelings, how cool is that!
I found that the 6th and 7th step flowed naturally after the release of doing the 4th and 5th. What a load off. I now am much more free, I'd like to say that all my defects are gone for good but, being human, living the human condition, I have to admit some of them return, especially when things get tough. But now I have a box of tools, and directions to use them, and when I choose to use those tools life is better. Such a simple program that this alcoholic chose to make so complicated for so many years.
I now am so grateful for the gift of desperation which carried me back to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Life is better, one day at a time.



John
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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - "At some of these we balked" - Step 4 questions