Yes I may not be perfect but I like who I am becoming
Seems like my whole Life -- I was trying to be better than I was able to be -- so that I could at least look better... to someone else.
I got so drawn up into "what I looked like to someone else" and how they saw me doing something... that I was always self-conscious about about myself -- and that helped me to feel really personally inadequate!
I wanted to be perfect! I knew I wasn't perfect... but I still wanted to be perfect so that you'd think I was at least "A OK."
How miserable I became! Hey, that would make anyone want to have a drink, right?
And, after a few drinks I'd feel like I was someone other than who I really was. I felt like I was who I wanted you to think that I was. So, a few more drinks and I'd get really good, right?
That would work for about eight minutes. I'd feel good for about eight minutes and that was about all the time that the really good feeling lasted. I'd still keep drinking -- trying to recapture and recreate those brief eight minutes of bliss.
When I got sober I became really self-conscious about what I felt were my imperfections and my inadequacies.
One day, after being sober for a while -- somehow the idea seemed into my head that "I'll always be perfectly imperfect!" What? Did I really say that?
Imagine that! PERFECTLY imperfect! Whewwww! I had finally reached a place where I didn't have to be perfectly perfect -- but I could be perfect at being imperfect!
I don't know. Call it mental masturbation if you will. Juggling thoughts around or whatever... But, it actually worked!
Now something that helps me is:
"Yes I may not be perfect but I like who I am becoming!"
I'm getting better. I'm not as bad as I used to be and I'm not as good as I'll someday be. (I hope!) But, either way... I kind of like who I'm becoming. And, that opened the door just a smidgen so that I could finally start liking myself.
Best wishes to you all! You're turn to share!