Step One and so on...

[itsatwinthing]

I have been to some great meetings in the past few months, one in particular is a 12 step study.... being sober now for 4 days I am concerned that I may never really acheive the first step and make it to the next. Admitting I am powerless over alcohol... I admitted that to myself the night I drank a magnum bottle of wine, made it to the store before midnight to get another magnum bottle and andother mangum bottle at 9 am the next morning -I was drunk the entire weekend. And for the first time, i went about 72 hours without feeling anything. To me that was a break, as my thoughts rarely allowed me sleep. Passing out was my only rest. In the last year I have been able to hold t together for 21 days until I was at it again....

I need a sponsor, but due to my inability to ask for help and my fear of rejection, I don't ask.... I wonder if this is my key to sobriety? I wonder how to ask.....

[cue]

My experience was I met someone who had something that I wanted (a programme and serenity) and I decided to just ask them if they would sponsor me. I said a little prayer first, just to get the courage to deal with possible rejection. I was nervous as hell but it worked out ok.
I would suggest checking out the pamphlet on "Questions and answers on sponsorship". It may be of help.
Good luck with it.

[sunlight]

Don't think about it.

Just do it.

[Dallas]

When I finally hit my bottom it wasn't hard for me. All I had to do was, first ask myself:

a. Do I want to go on drinking to the bitter end? Or...
b. Do I want to get sober and have sobriety kill me?

I was screwed no matter which way I turned.

1. I had no choice as to whether I was going to go on drinking or not -- because I couldn't stop drinking -- AND STAY STOPPED.

and

2. The reason I drank was -- sobriety was killing me and it was more painful to die sober than it was to die drinking.

So, I made a decision.

Fortunately, I didn't believe it would take very long for sobriety to kill me -- so I figured I just had to find a way to stay sober for a little while, until the sobriety killed me.

I had one goal. I had two young sons -- and I didn't want them to ever see me drinking or drunk again. And, I was willing to go to any lengths to make that happen. I wanted to at least imagine them saying at my grave, that "Dad didn't live sober for very long -- but he did die sober and we never saw him take another drink again."

OK. I had the plan down. I knew what to do and how it was going to end.

Here was my problem: "How... am I going to stay sober? I can't do it!" I'm an alcoholic -- and the REASON that alcoholic's drink is: they are alcoholic.

I couldn't... but I saw some people in AA... that were staying sober.

So, that left me with my final choice:

1. Do I fail again, like I've failed over and over and over and over again?

Or...

2. Do I go and ask them if they will help me?

I picked #2. And, as a result... me, who in my last stages of drinking was lucky to go two hours without a drink... I haven't had a drink in the last 8,926 days in a row.

By the way... just in case you haven't noticed... sobriety hasn't killed me yet, either!

Good luck with whatever you decide to choose! I wish the best for you. At least you'll be a good example of reference, that we can refer to, as:

1. One who asked for help and made it. Or...
2. Another one that tried to do it alone like we tried to do it alone -- and didn't make it.

So far -- over the last 25 yrs I haven't noticed one that made it alone w/out any help ... yet. And, you just might be the ONE that can do it!

Dallas

[itsatwinthing]

Thank you Cue, Sunlight and Dallas. Your wods are helpful . My goal for tomorrow is to find a hard/strong sponsor to take me through this journey, as I know I cannot do this alone.

I was at another great meeting tonight where I was fortunate enough to hear someone elses life story... there is so much power in the rooms that I know if I "keep coming back", one day it will stick. I know I am still sick and I have a long road ahead...

Will say a little prayer for all of us tonight