Sharing ESH without trying to play God.

[Bookreader]

I've come to this forum to share my ESH in a loving and supportive way. I have been to other forums before , but I've noticed the same struggles on the net that I see in meetings. It's seems to be hard for members myself included to hear other people share and then share afterwards without trying to influence others to their own way of thinking or share in such a way as to try and support or detract from someone elses truth.
This is the third internet forum I have been a member of and after reading alot of the other topics and posts this seems to be a forum where the respect for the opinions of others is quite obvious, thats whats attracted me here. In the book it talks about selfishness-selfcentredness being the root of the alcoholic problem, but when you look around its rare to find a meeting or a forum where members can share their esh without being jumped on by the resident guru. I said to a lady once at a meeting the only guru in AA is god. She looked surprised. I think she was the group guru.

Book

[Dallas]

Sometimes -- it seems as though the only time alcoholics can agree w/ each other is -- after a few drinks.

I know for myself, there are some things that I'm really flexible on. I try to keep my mind open and have a willingness to look at some things from different angles. Yet, there are other things -- based upon my experience -- I'm not real flexible and open-minded on. Perhaps, perfectly imperfect is the way I'm cut out to be.

The only authority here on this site -- is the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 Steps as they are laid out in the book. We try to pretty much stay with the black ink on the white pages, line upon line, and paragraph with paragraph, and let that be our guide, as we try to set our opinions or interpretations aside and let the book speak for itself. The book either says what it says or it doesn't.

In Chapter 2, There Is A Solution -- page 17, near the bottom of the page, it reads "The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have
discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism."

I read that for a long time trying to figure out: "What the heck is it that we can all ABSOLUTELY agree on?" We can't agree on God, which is why we have the loop-hole of "God as we understand God" and we can't seem to agree on much else. So, it can't be God. And, this was written long before the Traditions -- so it can't be the 12 Traditions.

Then, one day, as I was reading it, in comparison to the Preface & Forward to the First Edition of the Big Book, it kind of jumped out at me: What is the common solution? It's the 12 Steps -- as they are described in the book. That's our solution. And, we can join in brotherly and harmonious action -- regarding the 12 Steps, as the "method" -- "our common solution" to recover from alcoholism -- and to help other alcoholics through the message of the 12 Steps. Which, was the precise reason that they wrote the book.

[flying fiddler]

Thank you both for this topic. It reminds me to stick to my own ESH. My story is my story, that is really the only thing I know, and only thing I have to offer.
I know for me, getting here was absolutely based on attraction, rather than promotion. Hearing others stories, ESH. That is what stirred me to stick around for a while.

Thanks

John D

[merckx]

It's seems to be hard for members myself included to hear other people share and then share afterwards without trying to influence others to their own way of thinking or share in such a way as to try and support or detract from someone elses truth.

I think I understand what you are trying to say here but it has been important for me to realize that God often uses other's ESH. There have been times, and likely will continue to be times, in my recovery when my thinking was pretty off. Sometimes I needed someone to influence my thinking. The God of my understanding tends to send people to provide me gentle, and at times, not so gentle correction when my thinking is out of line. I haven't yet experienced a situation where I felt that God wanted me to listen to someone and the words out of their mouth was in conflict with the Big Book. There have been times I have heard been speak and been thoroughly convinced that their thinking was likely sicker than mine.

Other times I share and individuals who respond that are on the otherside of what I am currently walking through. When the thinking they share lines up with the Big Book I find it immensely helpful. Their experience influences me to continue living out what I know to be true.

The common theme ties into what Dallas brought up ... our commmon solution.

[cue]

I got a good lesson in sticking to ESH one day in early sobriety. I found out my GF was pregnant and I was having trouble dealing with it (just like everything else at the time). An old-timer dropped by and I shared with him. I was scared and didn't know what to do, whether to stay, run or god knows what. I needed someone to tell me what to do, but this guy just shared about what happened to him when he and his partner had their first child. Turns out that he met a guy in the meetings and his wife was also pregnant and the wives ended up in the same hospital having the kids and they just hung out together and he knew that it was going to be alright.
I thought "that's nice" but it was doing nothing for me, and I asked him for some advice. He said no, that he only had his experience. Just then my phone rang and a guy I was sponsoring needed to talk bad. You can guess what he wanted to talk about. His partner was pregnant too.
I knew that I was going to be alright then, and I was.