- The Source of Our Resentments

The Source of Our Resentments




12 Steps: Discussions related to the 12 Steps and using them as a treatment to recover from alcohol and drug addiction.

Postby Dallas » Mon Mar 08, 2010 2:37 pm

Keith... I think your mom is a very wise lady! And, I believe it's a good idea to follow her suggestions regarding money!

And, thanks for sharing! I appreciate you.

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Resentments

Postby Allie » Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:08 pm

Hi, my name is Allie and I am an alcoholic. This is my first attempt at AA online. I live in a remote place with few meetings.

I love the BB. I believe resentments are fatal because they shut me off from the sunlight of the spirit. I cannot feel resentment and joy at the same time. After many relapses the year I sobered up (1988), I became desperate to stay sober. Through kind people on Cape Cod, I decided to do what they did, to work the steps as they are laid out in the Big Book. I do not believe I'd be sober 2day w/o steps from BB. My 4th step convinced me MY selfishness and self-centeredness ARE the root of my problems. The phrase "WHERE were we selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and afraid?" --middle pg. 67-- introduced me to myself. That single question brought me to the root of all my problems. (not "was I...?" but "WHERE was I selfish, etc...".) It was the bulk of my 4th step.

My husband of 4 yrs has cancer and I just learned I will never have a child. BB steps keep me sane, hopefully kind. It's the only way I know how to live sober. 8) I was mad the cancer returned :evil: and terrified at his weight loss, but through BB steps I can live in the moment and enjoy my 'better half'. :D

Keith, my mom saved money in cans, pockets of old clothing and in middle of old green wine jugs full of safety pins. But ...she taught me to save, not spend...though I don't choose the same places to put $. lol

LOVE our Big Book. :lol: Like playing sax, I find no shortcut w/ steps... I only get what I put into it. God bless
Allie
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:17 pm
Location: Iowa

Postby Dallas » Wed Mar 17, 2010 9:09 pm

Welcome to the site Allie! I'm glad you found us -- we can use your help. :wink: And, thanks for sharing. I appreciate your sharing.

Sometimes -- life can be pretty tough sober. I understand. Sorry about what your husband and you are going through. One thing that has helped me in tough situations has been to realize that -- I'm not alone. And, there are and have been many others like me -- that have experienced some things that are way more tough than I have experienced. I draw upon their strength of getting through to the other side sober. A few years ago, one of my dear friends, a fellow AA, died of cancer. I was close to her and her husband. She had such a dignity about her, and a grace, and a serenity and peace, that would have been unbelievable to me, had I not been sharing the same solution. We do have the tools, that will help connect us to the God of our understanding, that will allow us to match any calamity with serenity. Sometimes, it might take us a while to reach the serenity. And, maybe, it's because we have to go through what we have to go through -- to prepare us, so that we can be of help to others.

You and your's -- are in my prayers.

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Thank you

Postby Allie » Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:39 pm

Thank you for heartfelt comments, especially the suggestion not to drink. That suggestion reminds me I am blessed to be sober. Despite a difficult time, which will pass, I have no desire to drink today.

When I finished my fifth step, I took the hour review at end of step 5 in Big Book. I had a strong and joyful sensation (spirit?) that I was on the right path and if I continued to work these steps I would not desire to drink again, one day at a time. It was raining during my 5th step but at that moment of my hour review of the first five steps, the sun literally started to shine. What a powerful metaphor - God would use nature to get my attention. :lol: I'm sure we all know others who have not been as fortunate. I am grateful to remember not to take my precious sobriety for granted. Recovery is an umerited gift from God and that first full paragraph on page 100 sums it all up for me.

Keith, how great to hear about you and your father... cool! My dad died shortly before I got sober, so I really enjoy hearing people who were able to share our unique commonality. Thanks again, Allie :roll:
Allie
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:17 pm
Location: Iowa

Postby Dallas » Sun Mar 28, 2010 5:13 pm

Thanks for sharing Allie! I love it! It took me back in memory to my 5th, and my crying and snobbing and snorting and messing up my sponsors carpet with my tears as we prayed after I did my 5th.

I hadn't read ahead in the book, at that time, about going home or to the quiet place for an hour... and I didn't know that my sponsor was guiding my with the precise directions in the BB! I didn't tell him, but I was afraid to leave him and his house after my 5th... because I felt so empty of "Self"... it felt so strange and vulnerable. I guess I felt kind of like a little baby. But, I was so determined to follow instructions... and go to any lengths to "try to do this thing right." :wink:

After I got home and got quiet and began to follow the recipe... all sorts of incredible experiences started going on! I thought of each of those as I was reading what you wrote about your experience above!

I'd get carried away here if I started trying to write about all of the wonderful experiences I had leading up to that hour, during that hour and after that hour! So, I'll keep it short by saying... "people if you haven't tried this yet... I GUARANTEE YOU that -- when -- you do it, if you do -- you'll end up feeling like you nearly cheated yourself out of one of life's greatest and miraculous experiences -- if you hadn't followed through!

That was my experience. And, every single person that I've had the pleasure and privilege to take through the steps -- that was their experience, too!

Trust me! You don't want to miss this!!!!

Thanks Allie! And, thanks to all the others here, too! Without each of you I wouldn't be able to continue the experience!

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

The source of Resentments

Postby maury » Sat Apr 17, 2010 11:58 pm

Hey Dallas,
I'm new at this, I,ve been in the program for only 10 months, but from what I have read so far I think that this forum will allow me not only to ask the burning questions that are on my mind, but also to hear other peoples reactions to my sometimes off the wall interpretations of the mixed messages that I have been getting.
As far as resentments go, I figure that if I were to practice the simple priciple of tolerance in ALL of my affairs, how could I possibly get angry at someone? If I were to get angry at what someone does or does not do, am I not in reality angry only at my perception of what was done or not done to me? So if in fact, if I am not angry at anyone but my own perception, true anger towards another person should not occur, therefore no resentments. It's working for me and it's like all good things...SIMPLE
maury
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Apr 17, 2010 11:11 pm
Location: montreal

Resentments: They can come in unexpected ways for me...

Postby norohs » Wed Jun 15, 2011 4:06 pm

Gary, Alcoholic here...

"I don't like chips"

Last Friday I finally broke down and collected my 3 month chip, seeing how I was chairing my first large meeting and I've been badgered about not getting any chips other than my 24 hour chip. I asked another member to do the 'chips' part of the meeting for me. They not only gave me my 3 month chip, but my 1 and 2 month chips. All was well... until later that night.

I blew it off; that feeling that I was not in a good place. I thought I was tired and needed some rest (5 hours of sleep a day for the last 3 months is catching up to me). Saturday offered no real relief which included 3 AA meetings. Sunday I met with my sponsor to work on the steps. At the end of the meeting, I was noticing that this feeling was getting worse. "Oh well" I said, just thinking this was going to be yet another 'off' day. I was slowly becoming irritable; enough I was noticing it. Monday came and I was WAY out of sorts. Anger and frustration seemed to surround everything I touched.

Finally, after the 6PM meeting on Monday, I'd had enough. I called my sponsor ASAP after the meeting. I tried to explain this feeling I had without much luck. I couldn't find the words or adjectives to describe how I was feeling. Grabbing at straws, I blamed my work (or lack there of) with my sponsor on Sunday. "That must be it" I said. Still reeling over how I felt, I again retired after a long day. Tuesday morning came and I got up and found myself unable to sincerely pray to God. I was struggling in a way familiar to me only before I came to AA.

Refusing to give up on finding the cause of my ill feelings (though I DID consider letting it go) I began to recall farther and farther back in my memory, the events leading up to my bad feelings. Again, I thought I'd pinned it down to my work with my sponsor, but it didn't feel right. It wasn't a complete answer and my reasoning had holes in it.

Then I remembered the issue about taking the chips and how I felt the night after getting them. BINGO!

I was not true to my inner feeling. I had betrayed a very strong inner moral idea in my thinking and beliefs. I have come to recognize one of my big faults is seeking approval from those around me because I always use that support to move myself up the ladder of the social pecking order. It's wrong, I know it and I'm trying to learn to let God fix this issue, but as for now, I'm not there yet. Anyway, accepting those chips against my personal judgment put me in a bad place. The 'why' doesn't matter, it just "did".

So, I lied to myself about how I'd respond to taking those chips. I though "doing what is right" excused me from having to deal with the consequences of lying to myself. I was sadly mistaken.

The feelings of resentment that I had over this had managed to steal from me all my peace and almost all of my hope for getting past it. It was, for the first time since walking into AA, the first time I'd felt the same way as I did before AA. That feeling... it used to be the norm, now it is the abnormal. I don't have to live with these feeling and the eventual return to drinking that they can cause for me.

So far as resolving my resentment? I shared all this with another alcoholic, I returned the chips to the group and I prayed to God for forgiveness. My prayers were answered and today I have more peace then I started off with.

I'm sorry if my particular resentment flies in the face of some AA members. I only wanted to share how, for me, a resentment can pop-up in the most unexpected way.

God bless.
norohs
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:21 pm
Location: Dallas Texas

Postby Dallas » Wed Jun 15, 2011 6:49 pm

Thanks for sharing and participating in the forum. I appreciate your sharing.

On the back of one of the old chips that I got, it read something like:
"To thine own self, be true."
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby norohs » Thu Jun 16, 2011 3:12 pm

I'm also working on not taking other peoples inventory. 8)
norohs
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:21 pm
Location: Dallas Texas

Postby norohs » Fri Jun 17, 2011 8:28 am

It's all good Keith. 8)

When I said I was working on it, I mean I struggle with it too. I can find the backspace and delete keys on the computer, but the spoken word is still a struggle for me. My work at treatment centers has helped me allot in this respect.

I have to remind myself it's progress not perfection.

God Bless
norohs
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:21 pm
Location: Dallas Texas

Previous

Return to 12 Steps

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google Adsense [Bot] and 2 guests









.








12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - The Source of Our Resentments