Krystal, alcoholic. I made a decision a while back to take a job abroad. Before leaving I met a wonderful sober alcoholic and we quickly fell in love. Next thing you know, I am abroad and we are nearly living our lives on skype.
The first three months being away were rocky as we both dealt with our insecurities. My character defects popped up like never before. I really got further into steps 6 and 7. I also began holding on to the program the way I did in my first 6 months, like a drowning man/woman.
Coming home for the holidays meant being together and again facing character defects face to face. The first week was rough as I was pretty exhausted and cranky overall. But, we got through and really had a wonderful time together. We fellowshiped in our groups seperately and together at times. We went out, stayed in, just had fun.
He realized some truths about himself as did I and the New Year saw a prayful recommitment to, with God's help, continue trudging this road of change.
Coming back has been really hard for me. Leaving was bad and being here in some ways, is even worse. He plans to visit in April and I will be returning home in June for good.
I guess what I am dealing with is just basic human emotion. You know, the kind I have been running from with the bottle prior to getting here??? I have not thought drink at any point and continue to go to meetings, reach out, listen to speaker tapes, read, etc. I am not sure what I think should happen but I am certainly having to admit that I feel really sad sometimes and sitting still in that is tough.
I am writing this to share and also to reach out for any experience, strength and hope anyone may have. Staying out of regrets and fears of the future is a daily walk and lets just say this relationship at a distance has been major practice in that.
Not sure what to do but keep doing what I am doing and accept that some things are just difficult. Any thoughts?