It is very hard for me to even begin to ask for help.
I am going to meetings, reading the book, praying (wonder if God even listens to me), have a sponsor who has been out of town a lot.
She gave me a Hazelden book on the first 3 steps. I firmly believe the only book I need to work out of is the big book, but I did it anyway. We reviewed the first step and plan to meet this week for the second.
I have called women in AA even tho it's the hardest thing I've done in a long time. I feel like a pain in the rump calling them and do not have much to say.
I have been sober for 4 weeks tomorrow. Every night I came home to a drunken husband. He left me Saturday for allowing my pill snorting son to move back in. I really don't care that my husband is gone except for the financial insecurity that comes with that. This is a two paycheck household.
I caught my son going thru my purse Sunday morning, said he was looking for my phone which makes no sense cuz he has his own phone. He also stole all of the quarters out of my change jar but vehemently denies it of course. I need to kick him out but just do not have the energy to do so.
I feel like I'm going out of my cotton pickin' mind right now as I sit here crying not even knowing why.
I do not want to drink because I can't anymore. I tried to commit suicide twice since Nov '10. So, for me to drink is to die and I know that.
It aint lookin' too pretty for me right now tho.
Thanx for listening.
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