Welcome to the forum Donna. I understand. I've been there, too. I think at some times -- we've all been there.
As Cue mentioned -- the hardest thing about getting through it is to admit it -- and since you've done that, you've done the hardest part of it!
It you think about what it's like now -- and magnify that times 1,000 -- that's what it would be like if you do drink. So, first and foremost, go to ANY LENGTHS -- TO NOT TAKE THE FIRST ONE -- and, with a little help, you will get through this, without losing everything you've got now.
If you've been away for so long that you don't know anyone to call, you can call one of us. I'll give you my number if it will help. Or, call a local Central Office, or Hotline number, if there is one near you. And, even better, if there is a meeting near by -- go to it!
When I've been in the same situation, what I did to get through it was: I called on the old phone numbers that I had for AA friends that I hadn't seen in a while. I started out just like a newcomer again -- without drinking first.
Sometimes, we can think of "What would I say to a new person to do, if they were experiencing the same thing?" And, then, do, ourselves, what we would tell someone else to do.
Hang in there and we'll walk with you through it.
I doubt if there is a need to suggest to pray -- I'm sure you've probably been doing much of that already! Now, just back up the prayer with actions and you'll get through it.
Here for you,