Hello Trish81, it's great to hear from you! Congrats on your 99 days -- which just might be 100, now, aye?
When I was new -- I didn't believe AA would work for me. I had been to AA once and failed, and after I started drinking again -- I couldn't get sober. The old-timers had previously suggested that I read only the Big Book, and not mess w/ the other books. Well -- I did just the opposite of what they suggested... and I got drunk after 5 1/2 months.... I wanted to show them I was a lot smarter than they thought I was! I guess I showed them, right?
While I was still out there drinking -- and couldn't get sober (even going to AA meetings) -- I continued to read the Big Book to try and find out "what am I doing wrong that makes it so that this won't work for me?" I still couldn't figure it out and I still couldn't get sober.
So, I took a different approach -- I started reading from the front cover, and literally studied the Doctors Opinion, and Bill's Story. Then I read Chapter 3, More about alcoholism -- and was studying that, too. I thought that if I could figure out whatever Bill did and do it -- I might have a chance at getting sober again, some day. And, I started doing what I could of those things.
On November 14th, 1986 -- I got another chance at sobriety. I had a desire, that sobriety would be #1 to me -- even if sobriety killed me. You see, I was really miserable without drinking and I didn't think I could survive it for very long. And, I made a commitment that I would not drink -- even if being sober killed me.
I continued reading the Big Book. I met with my old sponsor that I had acquired my first time around -- and I started trying to do my best to do the things that he suggested that I do. And, I went to a lot of meetings.
It's been 9,051 days now, in a row, consecutively -- that I haven't had a drink or any kinds of drugs, or pot or anything. So, evidently -- I must be working hard enough for sobriety -- and it's working for me.
The Big Book led me into "taking the Steps" -- and there is a huge difference in "practicing the Steps" and "taking the Steps."
After I took the Steps, I started to straighten out, and the obsession to drink was removed. But, I still had a lot of problems. And, it was pretty tough for me. It seemed easier -- the first time I had gone to AA. I think it got harder because I had started drinking again.
My suggestions? You might want to try what I did and see how it works for you. EXCEPT... DON'T start drinking again like I did -- or you may not get a second chance. I nearly missed out completely! Also the second time around was much harder. Had I read the Big Book and stuck with it my first time in -- it might have made a difference.
I'm really glad you're here and I look forward to watching as you grow in sobriety. And, I'm always here for you -- if I can help.