- Introductions this forum is All About You!

Introductions this forum is All About You!




Introduce yourself or read introductions from others!

Postby Dallas » Sat Apr 16, 2011 10:27 am

With all that said... now I can post the short answer. :wink:

And, this is just the way that I do it...

IF I'm going to have a sponsor -- I'm going to follow my sponsors suggestions -- regardless if I think they are the right suggestions for me or not. IF I'm going to sponsor myself -- I'm going to do it my way, and not bother with having a sponsor. This is the way I learned it by my experience of it -- and this is the way I now sponsor. If a person needs or wants to do it their way -- then, they don't need me as a sponsor, and should ask someone else to sponsor them. That way it doesn't waste my time or theirs.

I've learned that there is a "spiritual principle to sponsorship." And, that would be too long of an answer here, to get into.

If I don't have an apple -- I can't give away an apple. I can only offer to give what I've got.

Again, wishing the best of the best of the best for you!

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Thanks for your thoughts...

Postby BrandyeW » Sat Apr 16, 2011 4:17 pm

Hey Dallas,

Thank you so much for your reply. There are lots of similarities in our stories. I suppose when you boil it all down, I've surrendered the white flag to alcoholism, but not to a sponsor's direction. I suppose we all want to feel like we're different, but the reality is, we're not. I've got a lot of thinking to do (as if I don't *think* enough! :) ) Decisions to be made, commitments to make and stick to. I'll be the first to admit that I'm stubborn and head-strong...and (ick) self-made. When I first got sober, I said that I'd be willing to do anything. I'm not sure when that changed, but I sure don't view it as a good sign! If nothing else, this experience has taught me a few things about myself. Time to suck it up and get into action...

Again, thank you for your very thoughtful words and encouragement.

Brandye
BrandyeW
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Apr 15, 2011 7:02 am
Location: Keller, TX

Postby Dallas » Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:05 pm

Great to hear from you BrandyeW. Reading you is like reading myself in the mirror. :wink:

One thing for sure -- myself, this site and everyone here cares about you and we'll be here rooting for you and hoping the best for you regardless of how you decide to do it. I'm so grateful that this is the way the Fellowship was there for me. The only thing they ever told me was "just keep coming back!" :wink: And, I did.

We all seem to learn and to grow at our own pace. Sometimes, faster, and sometimes slower. But, if we keep coming back with willingness to learn from our experience and a willingness to grow and change -- we grow.

Best wishes for you.

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby sunlight » Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:01 am

Hi Brandye and welcome!

Up late tonight and saw your post, and Dallas's, and it was like a breath of fresh spring air. It is so beautiful to have the privilege of you sharing
your stories with us. Thank you! :D

I have had 4 sponsors. The first two did not want to continue a relationship beyond the steps. The third one passed away. I am taking the steps again with my current sponsor.
With each one, I always did exactly what they said. Even when it made me mad or I thought it was nuts! The first time I did it because I was desperate to stay sober and this woman knew how to stay sober and I didn't. (Sobriety is still my #1 priority, as well as passing on what was given to me.) But gradually I learned that God was working through these women in ways I did not even know of until much later. And I learned lessons in humility by doing what I did not want to do and listening when I felt I knew more than she did. :wink:

Of course I'm not saying you should stay with a control freak, or someone who is cruel or abusive. But to keep an open mind that there is "God going on" in a sponsor/sponsee relationship.

My way doesn't work. A sponsor guides me to seek and find God's way. Works every time! :shock:

(He even guides me to read the announcements!)

P.S. Dallas, how about posting a new topic on the spiritual principles of sponsorship? Please? I'm sure we could all benefit from them. Thank you! :mrgreen:
sunlight
 
Posts: 597
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:03 pm
Location: Denver Co

A lesson in humility...

Postby BrandyeW » Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:55 pm

Hi all!

Just thought I'd quickly share the rest of my recent saga on DISCIPLINE, HUMILITY, and WILLINGNESS. After last week's meltdown with my sponsor, I finally called her today and asked her forgiveness for the way I reacted to her direction. She was very glad I called. :) These last few days have really been a tough lesson for me, but clearly something I needed to go through. I have made a commitment to myself to re-double my efforts, and take her direction...even though I don't want to. Let me say that 1 more time, just for my benefit...even if I don't want to. I'm stubborn, hard-headed, and overly self-sufficient. Hopefully I'm still teachable! :) I've been sober for almost 2 years and this was my first meltdown since I stopped drinking. It was most unpleasant. Thank you all for your encouragement!!

Brandye
BrandyeW
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Apr 15, 2011 7:02 am
Location: Keller, TX

Postby Dallas » Sun Apr 17, 2011 10:22 pm

My experience has been that in sobriety -- it's the things that I don't want to do -- but I do them anyway -- have been the things that have helped me the most. I can't see it when I'm going through it. It's only with hindsight, looking back that I can see how it helped me. My sponsor used to say to me that learning to live sober is learning to do the things that we don't want to do. We've been so conditioned that when we want something we want it now and we want it our way and when we couldn't get it our way -- we'd drink. :wink:

It takes a while to get over some of the humps and hurdles. And, other times, it seems like a breeze to get over them. I guess that's what they call normal.

Best wishes for you and thanks so much for checking in. Your checking in is good for me! :wink:

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

New Forum Member

Postby Trish81 » Thu Aug 25, 2011 8:14 pm

Hi, I'm Trish81, and I am an alcoholic. I am exactly 99 days sober today. I managed to stay sober for a year without going to AA but it was on willpower alone and it was extremely difficult and I slipped - big time. This time I went along to an AA meeting two weeks into sobriety. I thought it wouldn't be for me, however I did go with an open mind and I am so glad I did. I know it's early days, but already my life has changed so much for the better, and not only that but I'm looking forward to a life of sobriety, not dreading it!!!

I have yet to find a sponsor at my local meeting, but the room has some wonderful people and everyone is friendly and approachable. I know I should have asked someone to sponsor me by now, but I really want to get it right (I'm afraid of it not working out and having to 'fire' a sponsor).

This is my first post to this Forum and any advice any old timers (or new members) could give will be much appreciated.
Trish81
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Aug 25, 2011 7:54 pm
Location: Ireland

Postby Dallas » Fri Aug 26, 2011 6:05 am

Hello Trish81, it's great to hear from you! Congrats on your 99 days -- which just might be 100, now, aye?

When I was new -- I didn't believe AA would work for me. I had been to AA once and failed, and after I started drinking again -- I couldn't get sober. The old-timers had previously suggested that I read only the Big Book, and not mess w/ the other books. Well -- I did just the opposite of what they suggested... and I got drunk after 5 1/2 months.... I wanted to show them I was a lot smarter than they thought I was! I guess I showed them, right?

:lol:

While I was still out there drinking -- and couldn't get sober (even going to AA meetings) -- I continued to read the Big Book to try and find out "what am I doing wrong that makes it so that this won't work for me?" I still couldn't figure it out and I still couldn't get sober.

So, I took a different approach -- I started reading from the front cover, and literally studied the Doctors Opinion, and Bill's Story. Then I read Chapter 3, More about alcoholism -- and was studying that, too. I thought that if I could figure out whatever Bill did and do it -- I might have a chance at getting sober again, some day. And, I started doing what I could of those things.

On November 14th, 1986 -- I got another chance at sobriety. I had a desire, that sobriety would be #1 to me -- even if sobriety killed me. You see, I was really miserable without drinking and I didn't think I could survive it for very long. And, I made a commitment that I would not drink -- even if being sober killed me.

I continued reading the Big Book. I met with my old sponsor that I had acquired my first time around -- and I started trying to do my best to do the things that he suggested that I do. And, I went to a lot of meetings.

It's been 9,051 days now, in a row, consecutively -- that I haven't had a drink or any kinds of drugs, or pot or anything. So, evidently -- I must be working hard enough for sobriety -- and it's working for me.

The Big Book led me into "taking the Steps" -- and there is a huge difference in "practicing the Steps" and "taking the Steps."

After I took the Steps, I started to straighten out, and the obsession to drink was removed. But, I still had a lot of problems. And, it was pretty tough for me. It seemed easier -- the first time I had gone to AA. I think it got harder because I had started drinking again.

My suggestions? You might want to try what I did and see how it works for you. EXCEPT... DON'T start drinking again like I did -- or you may not get a second chance. I nearly missed out completely! Also the second time around was much harder. Had I read the Big Book and stuck with it my first time in -- it might have made a difference.

I'm really glad you're here and I look forward to watching as you grow in sobriety. And, I'm always here for you -- if I can help.

Best wishes,

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Re: New Forum Member

Postby norohs » Fri Aug 26, 2011 10:05 am

Trish81 wrote:Hi, I'm Trish81, and I am an alcoholic. I am exactly 99 days sober today. <snip>

I have yet to find a sponsor at my local meeting, but the room has some wonderful people and everyone is friendly and approachable. I know I should have asked someone to sponsor me by now, but I really want to get it right (I'm afraid of it not working out and having to 'fire' a sponsor).

This is my first post to this Forum and any advice any old timers (or new members) could give will be much appreciated.


Hi Trish,

Since you asked... (I'm not big on unsolicited advice)

I've seen someone sooner or later make a hurdle out of every part of the program. This may be yours, I don't know, but it sounds as though it may.

The how and why of finding any part of the program a hurdle can only be answered by you. What I can share is that for me daily progress was important. Some things (maybe a lot of things) I just needed to have faith were good enough for the day. Drawing conclusions was something I just had to let go of.

For me, I answered "yes" to the first person who asked if I'd like a sponsor. This was on my second day at AA. After 30 days, I changed - he/we wasn't a good fit. Most notably was his notion that I would start working the steps 60-90 clean because "my mind wasn't clear enough". After asking around in the group, I expressed my concerns about this and they validated my concerns. I again, just picked the first person who would talk to me about AA outside the meetings. This turned out to be a good decision. I'm still with them.

My sponsor has grown into a friend, but far short of what I'd call a 'good friend'. He recognized I wanted to work the steps and he helped me do just that. Nothing more, nothing less.

Anyone could have been my sponsor. I was just looking for one and they answered the call. My attitude has been that it's my recovery, not my sponsors.

Now for the advice:

Get a sponsor (or a temporary sponsor) today. Don't worry about the "fit". Don't visualize and/or project into the future. Make no judgments. Tomorrow you may find you need a change, yet nothing will be lost if you do decide to change sponsors. You do have everything to loose if you go back to drinking and so much to gain by finding a better way of living. Working the steps with a sponsor (you will find) is an important part in your recovery.

God bless.

Gary
--
norohs
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:21 pm
Location: Dallas Texas

Postby cue » Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:45 pm

Hey Trish81,
Welcome to the site. We're from the same neck of the woods and this crowd here will make you feel just as at home as you do at your local group.
I don't give advice cos I don't like hearing it myself so I'll share my experience. I met lots of good people where I got sober but I was full of judgements and all sorts of weird ideas when I got here. I liked AA but I wasn't buying anything off anyone.
The guy who became my sponsor was the only guy who would come out after the meeting and share a smoke without doing my head in talking about all manner of things that people like me don't talk about, like god and principles and change :shock:
I later learned that he had just gotten a sponsor himself and was as bemused as I was by pretty much everything. The bottom line is I felt comfortable with him and that was all I needed to get going. I waited about a month and after a particularly thirsty experience one day in front of the local pub, I said a prayer and rang him. He said it would be a privelige to sponsor me and that appealed to my ego :lol: Then he explained that I was definitely NOT to depend on him and that he would show me how to build a relationship with a higher power instead.
That turned out to be very good advice :lol:
cue
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2011 6:28 pm
Location: Ireland

PreviousNext

Return to Alcoholics and addicts in Recovery

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests









.








12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Introductions this forum is All About You!