God and Jack Daniels ALWAYS level the playing field.
I can understand your concern and relate to your feelings and experience -- not exactly, but similar.
I once had an AA wife that was sharing MUCH more than her experience, strength and hope!
Well... maybe she was passing on a lot of hope to many more AA guys.
What happened? She ended up drunk and divorced. That was about 20 yrs ago... and from the pictures that I've seen of her recently and the stuff she is going through, it's obvious that nothing has changed -- other than her appearance. (Which has steadily gone down hill as a result of the drinking and drugging).
One of the first AA suicide calls that I got was in regards to an AA that many of us really looked up to. He was 25 yrs sober and was helping a lot of people. Unfortunately, he had begun helping some young females in the wrong way and he ended up hanging himself -- and leaving his young, beautiful, and very active, sober AA wife a letter -- blaming "her" for his actions. It was a VERY sad situation to witness and obviously much worse for her to experience it.
I've seen the "reap what you sow" law applied many times over the last 25 yrs. and it isn't pretty. Our best bet is to get as far away from where the anvil will fall in the end.... minding our own sobriety.
There are also times, that I've seen, like my experience, where it was best to get away from the person and move on. It was about the most painful thing I experienced in sobriety -- but, I knew, that I would not be able to stay sober if I stayed in the relationship.
I've seen some stay -- and later they were glad that they did. I've seen some go and later they were glad that they did. I've seen some stay and regret that they stayed.
Marriage is a bond. It's an Official relationship. A partnership. It's much more than just being "AA friends." So, naturally there is the marriage that needs to be considered.
One of my dearest, and most helpful AA-friends was a lady (R.I.P.) that had many more years sober than me. I could go to her and get wise counsel and advice on relationships, and feelings, and AA, and sobriety, etceteras. She was like a sponsor to me. When she first got sober, multitudes in AA were telling her "Pat, you'll never be able to stay sober if you don't leave your husband!" (who was still drinking). And, Pat proved them all wrong. She stayed w/ him. She stayed sober, and eventually he was able to get almost two yrs sober before he died.
When Pat would share her story, she ALWAYS said, in her sharing "Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't stay sober because of another person or your relationship with them. I'm living proof that they are wrong!"
Perhaps, I didn't have what Pat was made out of. Some of us have it and some of us don't.