Hi all. I'm Deb C. and I'm an alcoholic and an addict.
I only have a very short period of sobriety. I entered detox on September 22nd and then straight into rehab 3 days later. When I left rehab I had only 15 days of sobriety. I relapsed on October 10th, got back on track on October 11th. Relapsed again on November 5th, got back on track the next day. Thus far, I have 16 days and I am not goint to give up what I've got so far. I want what you have. I've been praying religiously (pun intended
), reading my BB and speaking with my sponsor. I've already seen some small changes within me. But I also feel quite fragile...something I didn't feel when I drank and I used. I am Bipolar and the meds are actually working because I'm not adding chemicals and booze on top of them. I have some breakthrough depression but all in all, I am feeling better one day at a time. I am used to isolating and building a wall around me, however, I've made myself call the numbers that have been given to me and I keep in touch with other members. This is a big step for me. Since I returned from rehab, my marriage of 21 years has been rocked! My husband of 21 years had an affair with a good friend of mine that began right before I went to detox, all through rehab and after I returned home. This is the first time he has done this and while I am starting to forgive I am ambivalent to stay in the marriage because I do not want old patterns and the same old arguments to resurface. I am becoming a different person and I'm proud. I want him to be part of my recovery but am scared about what the outcome might be.....I know, I know...."thy will be done". I have a hard time surrendering my problems to God. I want to live life on MY terms and it is such a painstakingly hard habit to break, you know?
I am working on Step 1 with my sponsor. Reading the BB, taking notes, prayer, prayer, prayer and also meeting with her regularly.
I have seen through the program people who have had 40 years of sobriety. When I am in the rooms I feel like I have finally found "home". I want that to continue. They say its an easy program but what amazes me is that people with years and years of sobriety still continue going to meetings, etc. AA is a lifestyle and I am a bit of a procrastinator and I tend to jump into something with zeal and enthusiasm only to let it fade away.
What are you thoughts on keeping the momentum going so that I can stay in this program for the rest of my life.