You have my prayers and my love. I remember your wonderful posts when you first came on the site. I'm so happy you are back.
Everyday is a day I have to carry the vision of God's will into my life. For me, there is no slack or wiggle room on this.
#1 on God's will for me is to be sober today, and to carry the message of recovery to others. This is sometimes difficult or painful, but it is never boring or dull! It's like I've set my GPS in the direction of sobriety and I take it from there.
And we don't have to do it alone! This is the very best part of sobriety for me. There are lots of good parts, but knowing that people like you are on this journey with me makes it the best.
Do not be discouraged!
One day at a time. One step at a time.