Sometims quckly. Sometimes slowly. Most often, for me?

[Then, and only then]

Always slowly. I have never known when I am in it. The Earth makes a complete turn in a day. Since I am on it, I never know. When I am in drama neck deep, I don't know what I am doing. Only when I was pulled out of the water, then and only then, I know I was in it.

Can I not go into again? No, my history tells me no. I make the same mistakes and short comings. Maybe that is life, maybe that is the extent of my self reliance. I can not pull myself out.

[Toast]

For me the post above hits the nail on the head.

Its OK to let yourself go as long as you can get yourself back, but this is something i couldn't do without the help of AA.

[Then, and only then]

Thank you. I really needed to hear that. Life was never something to enjoy. Life was, and the most of the times, still is something to endure. Please don't get me wrong. I am eternally grateful that I am not drinking. Hoping always hoping...

I had the second moment of clarity recently. I clearly saw the conditions of my life after the devastation. The last four years, I was the farmer who came out of the cellar. 'Aint it grand!'. I had stayed sober only by going to tons of meetings. I had hidden myself in the cellar, in the rooms of AA. My farm is not going to recover itself, nor God is not going to do it for me if I stay in the cellar. Meanwhile, the destruction progressed even further.

A dry horse thief, that was me. Yes, I could steal the better horses, but new found conscience was grinding. Self justification bloomed every where. Pain was again the only remedy to change my course of action. Utter failure, both finance and romance. Up until I changed the little actions in my life, doing dishes, calling my wife, doing laundries, honestly trying to be a worker among workers, calling my sponsor for no reason, watering my garden, I was in misery. That bewilderment promise all came true, and I fell into depression, sober and going 18 meetings per week, holding a service position, having 5 sponsees.

I know I am gona be ok, despite of my slow progress and despite of self, since others went before me felt the same way. The program works. Through it all, the thought of dring never returned! I was miserable and depressed, but not drinking. Hell of existence!

It is incremental change, but if I don't take that drink, this too shall pass. Yes, if I work it. Thank you. His grace is too generous for this alcoholic.

[Toast]

Hi,

For me becoming sober is as much about what I get rid of just as much as what I acquire. It’s a process of elimination, getting rid of the things that never worked to allow room for the new stuff that does. It’s all about me learning to say no to me. By repeatedly saying no to the bad stuff in life I’ve left room in my life for the good.

And if I was happy yesterday and I’m not happy today, what’s changed? Is it something outside I never could control anyway so why bother or is it something inside me I don’t want to look at?

We have to become willing to stay willing for the rest of our lives.

God Bless

[pauld]

Aloha brothers and sister in recovery:

This is my first visit to your website. I found you by asking Google "sometimes quickly sometimes slowly".

My wife wants me to continue working on my steps after two years of sobriety. She is activily drinking (heavily). Go figure. your coments.?

Paul D.

[Dallas]

Welcome to the site, Paul! Great to have you here in the forum and I look forward to reading much more from you.

Best wishes for you and for your wife.

Dallas