First day, cannot sleep and filled with anxiety

Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober
Roger J
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Oct 30, 2011 4:33 am

Postby Roger J » Tue Nov 01, 2011 6:01 am

Oh, I forgot to say, in order to remind myself:

My name is Roger, and I am an alcoholic.

Site Admin
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Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby Dallas » Tue Nov 01, 2011 7:01 am

I think you're going to be okay, Roger. Things in your life will work out. And, they'll work out better -- if you hang in there and stay sober. After a while, if you stick it out, it gets better and better and better!

Posts: 471
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:50 pm

Postby Toast » Mon Nov 07, 2011 12:55 pm

Hi Roger,

How you feeling this week?

Well i hope

Roger J
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Oct 30, 2011 4:33 am

Postby Roger J » Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:13 am

My name is Roger, and I am an alcoholic.

Thank you for asking. I am goinig to a lot of meetings and that is helping. I also have a sponsor and others to call so that helps. Yesterday, as well as today through Thursday, were and are challenging since I have to face some clients about my alcoholism. When I did so last night it was humiliating to disclose my DUI, but I made it through and found the support I thought I would get. It is simply difficult to do, but it is the right thing to do. I am hanging in there so long as I can go to plenty of meetings. Thanks.

Posts: 471
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:50 pm

Postby Toast » Tue Nov 08, 2011 9:47 am

Hi Roger, nice to know your still with us.

The DUI could have been worse, you could've been telling folks you killed someone with your car. I caused a horrendous accident when driving drunk, and being the big brave alkie i was i left the scene of the crime and started running. I ran for the next 10 years till i found AA.

Thanks God those days are long gone! :D

Gratitude is the key! 8)

Love,light,life! :lol:

Roger J
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Oct 30, 2011 4:33 am

Postby Roger J » Sun Nov 13, 2011 7:00 am

My name is Roger and I am an alcoholic.

Thanks Toast. I have been living in meetings and thinking about my situation since it happened. I have had to address 4 out of 5 boards I work for in by business, so I have had to think things through. Here is my conclusion.

For teh last couple of years, my family and friends have been talking to me about my drinking. I ignored them. My drinking became even worse. My family and friends talked even more about my drinking, and I ignored them. Mydrinking friends did not even want to drink with me any more. When I walked inot the bar, they audibly graoned in dismay that I was coming in. I talked to the director of the assistance program the morning after the DUI and found out that people had been calling him about me and he was getting ready to confront me - I suspect that he and two other people in the program and who are on the assistance program committee were going to do an intervention. The irony is that I too sit on the assistance program committee, but I always thought it was to address mental illness such as depression. I only now realize I should be there for both depression and alcoholism.

In any event, I have concluded that if they had done an intervention I would not have listened. I would still be drinking. So, getting picked up and having to face the humiliation of facing all of these boards, and probably an article in the paper, was the only thing that was going to get me back in the program after 15 years. Therefore, I can honestly say that I am grateful for getting arrested since no one was hurt and there was no accident.

When I say no one was hurt, I only am referring to when I was picked up. I certainly hurt plently of people on the path to getting picked up. But, that is why we have some steps to do in the program to clean up that harmful past.

Roger J. - and I am grateful to be back

Posts: 471
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:50 pm

Postby Toast » Sun Nov 13, 2011 8:52 am

Morning Roger, nice to know your still with us.

The world and his wife was dropping hints to me about my drinking but like many alcoholics i was arrogant enough to think they were really just jealous of my ' Bohemian' lifestyle. Those hen pecked friends of mine where really scared of their wives. Not me, but then again my wife wasn't there, she was in hospital 'again' with low blood pressure and depression and she didn't drink? The kids were back staying with grandma. So i had the house to myself to live any which way i wanted and being the happily married bachelor i was i took full advantage of it.

Then like a bolt of lightening came the the most painfull moment of my life, a real moment of clarity. Was my wife's illness connected with my drunken behaviour? Why hadn’t I even been to see her? When we were first married I loved her very bones, how had she gone from 1st class citizen in my life to 3rd class? Where the kids staying with grandma because all i had in the refrigerator was booze? Why was my once lovely family home held together with scotch tape? Who put those holes in the doors? How did this alcoholic/workaholic get from A to Z in such a short time? What happened to all the B's D's and F's in the middle? Does my friend next door still have that shotgun? Can i tell him i need it to kill a rat in the back yard and use it to blow my brains out? Could I sit here at the breakfast bar with the gun on the table put one end in my mouth and end it all? Or will i call AA first and see if they can help? Yes that’s it! I’ll call AA, make a full confession that it was all my fault then throw myself of the 400 ft high road bridge that’s just a few miles down the road!

All these thoughts went through my mind withing milliseconds!

Fortunately i did call AA and was told not to do anything stupid until someone came to see me. The guy who came had no car so he had to walk the 3 miles to where i lived in a thunderstorm. Within 40 minutes he was at my door and my life changed. God bless him and others like him: :lol:

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Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2011 6:30 am

Postby richardwy » Fri Nov 18, 2011 9:57 am

Roger, ty for sharing. I want to say reading what you wrote did me much good, but I don't if anything can anymore. I fear I've lost my desire to stop drinking. That all that remains is the bitter end. I've got AA friends here in town, and there's a meeting at 5:30, 8.5 hrs from now. Thank God there's work in another 10 mins. But I've no confidence that I can/will make that meeting.

Roger, reading your words may help. And Dallas, yes drinking in the AM/PM and any other M's I could find. Was sober twice for 5 years each. There are people in town who will help. I don't know if I can reach out my hand. Talk about the hopelessness and futility of life!

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Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:41 pm
Location: West Virginia

Postby Camel » Fri Nov 18, 2011 10:27 am

You are listening to your addiction talk to you, like we all have. This addiction wants to kill you. God, and all of us, want you to live. Don't let remorse and self-pity block you from the sunlight of the Spirit. Don't listen to the voice of addiction. Listen to that small, still voice that is calling you back to recovery. You know I am speaking the truth. You can do it. If I can do it, anybody can.

God Bless,

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