Morning Roger, nice to know your still with us.
The world and his wife was dropping hints to me about my drinking but like many alcoholics i was arrogant enough to think they were really just jealous of my ' Bohemian' lifestyle. Those hen pecked friends of mine where really scared of their wives. Not me, but then again my wife wasn't there, she was in hospital 'again' with low blood pressure and depression and she didn't drink? The kids were back staying with grandma. So i had the house to myself to live any which way i wanted and being the happily married bachelor i was i took full advantage of it.
Then like a bolt of lightening came the the most painfull moment of my life, a real moment of clarity. Was my wife's illness connected with my drunken behaviour? Why hadnâ€™t I even been to see her? When we were first married I loved her very bones, how had she gone from 1st class citizen in my life to 3rd class? Where the kids staying with grandma because all i had in the refrigerator was booze? Why was my once lovely family home held together with scotch tape? Who put those holes in the doors? How did this alcoholic/workaholic get from A to Z in such a short time? What happened to all the B's D's and F's in the middle? Does my friend next door still have that shotgun? Can i tell him i need it to kill a rat in the back yard and use it to blow my brains out? Could I sit here at the breakfast bar with the gun on the table put one end in my mouth and end it all? Or will i call AA first and see if they can help? Yes thatâ€™s it! Iâ€™ll call AA, make a full confession that it was all my fault then throw myself of the 400 ft high road bridge thatâ€™s just a few miles down the road!
All these thoughts went through my mind withing milliseconds!
Fortunately i did call AA and was told not to do anything stupid until someone came to see me. The guy who came had no car so he had to walk the 3 miles to where i lived in a thunderstorm. Within 40 minutes he was at my door and my life changed. God bless him and others like him: