My name is Roger and I am an alcoholic.
Hey Todd, hang in there. I can relate to what you are saying.
On Saturday, October 29, I went to my first meeting in over 15 years after starting to drink again. I was shaking so bad my wife had to drive me. I could hardly hold a cup of coffee without spilling it. My concentration was so bad I hardly remeber a thing anyone said.
I went to many meetings for two straight days just to stay alive and to not drink. At the second meeting on Saturday they gave me a 24 hur chip. I had not earned it since I had not been sober for 24 hours. Nevertheless, I held on to that chip and used it for the next 10 days to grasp everytime I thought of taking a drink. I rubbed it so much both in and out of meetings that it is a wonder that the "24" wasn't rubbed off. After about 10 days the shaking was less and I felt a little better.
I am still going to as many meetings as I can. They make me feel better and they keep me from drinking. I have met so many people who walk up to me and give me their name and phone number to call any time I need support. The groups are keeping me alive and sober.
You know that 24 hour chip, someone came into to their first meeting the other night and the house was out of 24 hour chips. After the meeting I gave my 24 hour chip to another woman in the program I know and she gave that chip to the woman who was new to the program. I asked her to tell the newcomer to use that chip the way I did and it will help her get through the day to get to another meeting.
Todd, all I can do is relate what is helping me - sharing my experience, strangth, and the hope - as little or as much as it may be with 2 weeks of being sober. I am getting my experience, strength and hope from the people at the meetings I attend. I want what those people in those meetings have. My conclusion is that I have to keep going back or I will not find what they have. I would encourage you to keep going back. It really does get better. I can testify to that.
Roger J. - an alcoholic who is becoming greatful, slowly but surely