- Tired of it!

Tired of it!




Topics and discussions related to being single and or dating while in recovery

Postby Dallas » Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:00 pm

Ditto. Had a similar experience at two years.
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Postby Then, and only then » Thu Nov 17, 2011 10:51 pm

Let me share with you what I really think. We are not capable of relationship. My mind is longing for that perfect romance at age of 45, while I have nothing to give but obsession, temporary obsession that is, you know, until the next one comes along. Is that any way to live my 40s?

I feel like Sam at Cheers. I can not drink. I know the next best thing that will change my feelings. Internal mal function and external solution. That does not work.

What do I do? Don't drink and gi to meetings. It will all work out. I do not know how and when. He did it with the biggest problem in my life. Why not this? Thy will, not mine be done.
Last edited by Then, and only then on Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Dallas » Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:01 am

Something that baffles me: The 12 Steps are for restoring our relationships. Our relationship w/ our self, with others, and with God. We practice the 12 Steps and we become healthy -- and we are capable of having great relationships with others. The 12 Traditions are for relationships. They are both guidelines to progress in relationships.

That being so -- the same 12 Steps and 12 Traditions that we use to recover, and to maintain our sobriety, and healthy relationships -- if that's true... then WHY are we not able to pursue and maintain good healthy relationships? We have the tools. All that's missing in the healthy relationship is: Another healthy person that uses the same relationship tools, right? And, of course, our continued use of the relationship tools.

A metaphor that I like to use is "Keys." We have the Keys. We've learned to use the Keys. And, we're using the Keys -- to open new doors of opportunities in our lives. Or... we're not using the Keys, and we're still trying to break down doors, or... wait for God to break down the door for us -- because we're unwilling to use the Keys that we've been given.
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Postby Then, and only then » Sat Nov 19, 2011 2:23 am

Thank you, Dallas. I agree with you completely. Willingness, I believe is the key. It does take two to tango. And yes, time takes time.

What kills me the most is the memories, resentments rather. During my insanity, I did and said things to hurt her. When I stepped on her toe often and long enough, she retaliated. I wish I was in black-outs, but I remember. My sponsor told me she had to, to protect herself. He told me to switch situations and look at the past with her eyes. It is not all about me. I did, i understand, yet it still hurts.

Why not start my life on a clean slate? While the time is taking it's sweet time, I bleed. Is this the pay back I must endure? Yes, it is I, I and I. Selfishness, we must get rid of it or it kills us. But can my program stand this much bleeding?

Why don't I end this misery, find someone in the program eventually, become a companion to each other? My heart is not made of steel. Is there hope in this? This much baggages, this long, is it worthy it? When does that intuitive thought come?

No human power. Not in this neither. Where does my powerless end? Can I do anything on my own? Yes, I was supposed to turn it over, everything.
Maybe relationship pain is a part of the human conditions. I can never be more than human.

I dunno.
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Postby Dallas » Sat Nov 19, 2011 9:21 am

The bleeding will end when you stop cutting yourself. I know that I didn't stay sober -- to bleed to death or to endure a lifetime of pain.

One of my favorite sentences in the Big Book, and I use it often, as a guide for my life and for making decisions is on page 133. "We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free."

What God wants IS God's will, isn't it? That, to me means:
I am SURE that God's will for me is: to be happy, joyous and free.

It doesn't say "I think." And, it doesn't say "I hope". And, it doesn't say "I wonder if..." It says we are SURE. We positively KNOW. There is no doubt about it! "We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free."

For those that think God wants them to bleed and continue to bleed... they should read the sentences that follows it...

"We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our
own misery. God didn’t do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence."

Are we deliberately manufacturing misery in our lives... assuming that God's will for us is: misery and bleeding?

Are we living in misery... WAITING FOR GOD to change it?

Or... is it clear, yet... that we are CONTINUING to manufacture misery in our lives by not taking the reins and the actions to manufacture "happy, joyous and free."

God does not make our misery and God will not stop the bleeding when we continue to sit around cutting ourselves.

Sobriety gives me choices and options in Life. That's what God intended for me -- to have options and choices. And, I am SURE that God wants me to exercise options, choices and decisions and take actions that lead to Me BEING "Happy, joyous and free."

God can't and won't do it for me. And, I can't do it for someone else. I can only do it for me -- and only they can do it for them.
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Postby Then, and only then » Sat Nov 19, 2011 9:28 am

Thank you, Dallas. Thank you that you cared. Have a great weekend.
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Postby dimples12562 » Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:11 pm

Dallas wrote:A metaphor that I like to use is "Keys." We have the Keys. We've learned to use the Keys. And, we're using the Keys -- to open new doors of opportunities in our lives. Or... we're not using the Keys, and we're still trying to break down doors, or... wait for God to break down the door for us -- because we're unwilling to use the Keys that we've been given.


Love this!!! Thanx Dallas! Glad I saw this thread...I needed to read this stuff today, and then again tomorrow and maybe the day after....
lol
~P
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Postby Dallas » Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:18 pm

:wink: Thank you.
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Re: Tired of it!

Postby chollis » Wed May 16, 2012 10:46 pm

I know it may not be want people want to hear. But I enjoy the single life. I am finding what makes me happy and what can keep me happy and my mind off the alcohol. I have found out that having friends in my life really is all that I need. I think the right person will come around for me. I don't really want to spend my time looking for them. I will give most people a chance but I am not going to let them bring me down to where I want to turn to alcohol. Good Luck to all.
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Re: Tired of it!

Postby dimples12562 » Thu May 17, 2012 7:46 am

chollis wrote:I know it may not be want people want to hear. But I enjoy the single life. I am finding what makes me happy and what can keep me happy and my mind off the alcohol. I have found out that having friends in my life really is all that I need. I think the right person will come around for me. I don't really want to spend my time looking for them. I will give most people a chance but I am not going to let them bring me down to where I want to turn to alcohol. Good Luck to all.


Chollis I think yours is an excellent message!! For myself, I don't "want" to be single BUT I wouldn't WANT to be in a relationship that takes me away from a program that has saved my life...I'm not actively "looking" but I'm not NOT looking either (if that makes any sense) When the time is right I will be ready, until then I will be ok as a single! Love your share! Thanks!
~P
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