Was never one to swear off booze after a disaster. I always came too after the storm and said ' Iâ€™d better go get a small drink and think about this?' Not that my thinking was doing me much good back then.
I know that ' Elation' will get me drunk, good times, great feelings, times of immense joy, that's when Iâ€™m at my most vulnerable.
Years back one of my kids came home from school with a big shiny silver sports trophy, i was no overwhelmed with pride i automatically searched under the kitchen sink for some whiskey to fill the cup and have a toast! Fortunately after being in AA a number of years by then i had none. But it sure gave me a fright when i thought about it later on.
Guess thats why i still go to meetings, just to keep my feet on the ground. And I like changing meetings every 3 to 4 years. That way i have to put myself at the end of the line and start all over again. I also have to build new friendships, give and get new phone numbers and share my experience, strenght and hope with a bunch of strangers. Thats where the courage comes in. The day i'm too scared to say what i feel in front of my fellow AA's i'm finished as a going concern in recovery.
Also i'm glad i still do go to meetings, this year is my 17th year of continuous soberiety and i've learned more in this last year than the previous 7 years put together. Made lots of changes that allowed this growth to come about, some of these changes were not my decision but a power great than myself obviously decided the time was right to move on. I changed groups, hobbies, reading material, not changed jobs but my role in the workplace has changed. I'm 50 now and as far as good feelings go this is my best year yet.
I know lots of AA's who stop coming around after a milestone year, say 10 years of soberiety. But to stop coming then after all AA has given us just shows how immature and self centred we can still be.
I'm glad i know I'll always be a patient in AA.
I'll just keep coming till the day they invent a TV with 2 remotes!