holding on

A discussion of topics about relationships in Recovery
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holding on

Postby sparklek » Tue Dec 06, 2011 2:56 am

I am experiencing my first sober break up (which included moving out) along side coping with the death of my father. I am experiencing so many ups and downs emotionally. Its like a rollercoaster! I am in the Steps, am attending regular meetings and continuing to work with others. I am praying, reading, and meditating---making lots of phone calls and being of service to my family. But man oh man does this period hurt! I find some moments are better than others and all the listed activities help. I just wanted to share where I am and see if anyone has any experience strength and hope to share Thanks :?

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Postby butch » Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:22 am

So sorry to hear of your fathers passing. Surrender and acceptance of His will are the answers i feel to lifes problems. He puts nothing in front of you that together you and Him cannot handle, one day at a time.

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Postby Dallas » Tue Dec 06, 2011 10:44 am

My heart goes out to you. I wasn't sober when my father died, and I know how much emotional suffering it was to go through it drunk. But, at two years sober, and then at five years sober -- I went through heart-breaking break-ups. And, I definitely understand the pain and confusion that comes with that!

As I read through what you're doing to get through it, it looks pretty much the same as what I did. But, for God's grace, through the loving hands of some AA's -- I don't think I could have survived it. We are most often highly-sensitive types -- that feel the good and the bad -- in triple magnitude.

I cried a lot. Sometimes, the pain was so terrific that I experienced sober black-outs. I spent a lot of time in Catholic churches, where they never locked the doors -- crying and trying to stay alive -- to get from one members house, to another, or from one meeting to another. I couldn't eat. I lost so much weight in so little time -- that just recently, while looking in the mirror, observing my waist I thought "You know? Maybe it's time for another relationship and break-up!" :wink:

My experience? I did get through it -- and got through it sober. Yes. It hurt like hell -- but with God's help, through the hands of AA's, I didn't drink over it. I didn't kill myself over it. (Obviously? :lol: ) And, with all that I learned going through it ... Maybe, I could survive it again if I went through it again.

Also, I did eventually heal. I got through it. It passed. And, I got better as a result of it. I learned a lot about relationships, emotions, hurt and pain, and how to get through the pain -- and, what I think helped me most was: I became willing to help others, who were going through the same thing. It makes for excellent sponsor training, too! :wink:

What I did was to continually think "If I can get through this -- I'll have something to share with others -- who are going through this, too."

My best wishes and highest regards,


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Postby sunlight » Tue Dec 06, 2011 3:05 pm

I experienced a breakup and the death of my sister ( alcohol related ) at the same time. The pain was tremendous.
But I had stayed close to my group and AA women, and had lots of encouragement and support.
I remember one man said in a meeting, who had gone through a gruesome divorce, "First it gets bearable, then it gets better."
I found that to be true.

But, after a year, I was still talking about this man & my sponsor said, "Enough! That was then. This is now. I want you to ask God to remove your thoughts about him."
I asked and it happened.

Now, I'm able to help other woman who are falling apart over a breakup. That's what's so great - we can use our pain to help others. :D

Nice to see you back, Sparklek

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Postby sparklek » Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:04 am

Thanks! These responses were very helpful because it lets me know I am on the right path. Service always seems to be a life saver for me! It sure helped when I was jobless and still shell-shocked from my experiences in Egypt and I am sure it will continue to help now. I really will embrace the idea of seeing my experience as a means to help others. It really gets down to the 3rd Step prayer as I ask God to "take away my difficulties so that victory over them may bare witness to those I may help." One day at a time. I am so glad this is only one day at a time!

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