[quote="Dallas"]What he did to you and what he did and said to you in front of others, especially in a meeting, was not right. His words and his behavior was self-centered, Egotistical, and selfish. It was wrong. It was immature. It was childish and arrogant. I understand how it hurt your feelings.
Keep in mind -- that his words, actions and behavior towards you -- did not define you or your voice -- it defined him, it defined his spirituality, it defined his level of maturity and growth.
Keep in mind -- as our book clearly states, that "Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person." (forward to the First Edition, Big Book.)
His actions fit perfectly with the my quote that you referred to above. He appears to be stuck at the impasse of HIS OWN opposing forces and he is at war within his self.
As Bill W., wrote in the 12 & 12, in the section for Step 10: "It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us." IF your voice disturbed him -- I wonder what's wrong with him?
On the flip side, you'll also have to ask... "If his actions and words and behavior disturbed me... where am I wrong?"
Uggg? Who wants to hear that??? Especially... when you were not in the wrong?
If it were me, I would answer... "where I was in the wrong, was: I let his actions and behavior be 'about me' rather than 'about him.' He's the sick cookie... but I stumbled in the moment and bit into it.
"I forgive myself of allowing my feelings to get hurt -- over someone else's bad behavior.
Bill, follows up in Step 10 with: "If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about "justifiable" anger? If somebody cheats us, aren't we entitled to be mad? Can't we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us of A.A. these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it."
Yes. I would say that your hurt feelings were justified and if you were angry at him -- that would be justified, too. HOWEVER... "We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it."
I can't afford to be angry -- even when to most people, it would be justified. It messes w/ my own Spiritual well-being and Spiritual fitness -- for me to be angry. It messes w/ my serenity, sanity and peace of mind. God wants me to be happy, joyous and free. (pg 133 Big Book).
pg 66, Big Book:
"We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future.
We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different
angle. We began to see that the world and its people really
dominated us. In that state, *** the wrong-doing of others,***
fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we
escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered,
but how? We could not wish them away any more than
The solution is in the following paragraph (of pg 66).
"This was our course: We realized that the people
who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick."
On to pg 67, BB:
"Though we did not like their symptoms and the way
these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too.
We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance,
pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant
a sick friend. When a person offended we said to
ourselves, â€œThis is a sick man. How can I be helpful
to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be