Hey my name is Marg and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic.
I've met the most strong, kind, helpful folks in this program of FELLOWSHIP since stepping into my first meeting last May. Might not have made it to the room except for the gal walking around who saw me and smiled, "are you looking for the meeting?" I felt so ALONE in my alcoholism that to hear that was like guiding the baby to help and healing. SO d*** GRATEFUL.
The whole talking and everyone else listening thing in meetings was completely nerve-wracking. I did 90 in 90. I took myself to my first mtg cuz I knew I had a problem after--the day a woman I hardly know shared with me her journey thru recovery---I wanted help. She said go to this woman's meeting..it's great.. Since I'd tried to quit on my own and failed over and over, i thought well, i'm going to need some help figuring this out.
My SHAME was huge. I'd operated on total self will for almost 50 years. I felt like a failure. I, I, I... I loved and needed the mantras, the simple AA sayings, slogans, and the kind wisdom of the women in those first meetings. I learned i suffered from "terminal uniqueness...." TONS of resentments, squelched anger, etc.. that I doused daily with alcohol.
I feel like I'm among friends now. We share from the depths and it heals. One man looking back on his drinking says said he was like King Baby. That is EXACTLY like i felt and was....couldn't deal with reality...Queen Baby. I can laugh now and see how I learned from the best..family queen bees always in 'control' .... don't show weakness god forbid... and the whole drinking culture that celebrates EVERYTHING w/ alcohol. An alcoholic can ALWAYS find a 'good reason' to drink. Haha... The fellowship in AA is curing me of my stinkin' thinkin' - releasing me from my closet of terminal uniqueness, and maybe even helping me to REALLY GROW the **** up.
)))). 'Bout time. This program rocks your soul and wakes you UP to who you are meant to be, who you really are, I am, underneath the veils and walls of protection.