Help for alcoholics who want to achieve and maintain sobriety
Hi all, I am 7 months sober. The first 5 months I tried do it on my own then last 2 going to meetings. I tried to find a sponser 2 times and was told no. 1 was because only take so many and other not sure why. I'm at the point I feel stuck like i'm going to meeting but feel like i'm not sure what I'm doing or need to do like the Big Book or ? It getting to where I almost want to give up but scared to because I know what will happen if I do. Thanks for listening.
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2012 2:00 pm
- Location: Great Falls
PLease don't give up!!! Do you have a higher Power? Try this tonight...Talk to your HP, ask for guidance in selecting your next meeting for tomorrow! There should be some good Saturday morning, afternoon, evening meetings somewhere!! Before walking into that meeting ask your HP again to guide you, ask your HP to let you hear what you need to hear and say what you need to say!! When they ask if there is anyone new to the meeting raise your hand, introduce yourself and ask for help!! Ask someone to talk to you after the meeting, ask for numbers!! Don't STOP asking!! Even when you strike out you have maybe given hope to another new comer who witnessed you having the strength to reach out and ask!! There is a purpose in all that we endure and a reason for all that happens the way it happens!! JUST don't give up, not yet!! You're sooooooo close to the miracle!
Keep me posted!!
- Posts: 120
- Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2012 8:16 pm
- Location: Baltimore, MD
Hello hektic1 !!! It's really nice to see you here and to have you w/ us! Thank you!
And, a HUGE thank you -- for having the COURAGE to log-in and to share! I understand how much guts that takes -- because I remember my first post, too! A lot of crap was swirling around in my head... as I wrote my first message here... and it took all the courage I could muster up, just to be able to do it! So, I honor you -- for your courage! And, I thank you, for sharing.
I think that your HP is already at work for you. I think that She (or, He, if your HP is a He) helped you to find this place -- not only to get some help and guidance -- but, so that you could help us, too!
It's really tough to find a good Sponsor. I'm not with the understanding that Any Sponsor is better than no sponsor. At least, not for some of us.
When I talk w/ newcomers at the meetings -- I tell them, don't be in too much of a hurry to get a sponsor! First, just make some friends. Find some AA's that you feel comfortable with. Exchange phone numbers with them. Start asking "Does anyone get together after the meetings, for coffee and to talk?"
One of the Secrets? It's the one's that go to the meetings -- after the meetings -- is the best place to get some guidance on who might be good to be a sponsor for you.
You'll want to observe things like -- "How is this person in public? Away from AA? Away from meetings? How does the solution seem to be working in their life? Do they seem to be happy and comfortable while sober -- away from AA and away from the meetings?" This will help you decide -- if you think that the solution is working in the persons life. Because... if it isn't working for them -- do you think that what they offer you -- will work for you?
Another Secret? Begin reading the Big Book on your own, by yourself, at home, or at work, or in your car... maybe at the park, or at the coffee shop. Read from the front cover -- without skipping a page, all the way up to page 103. Then, read "Spiritual Experience" in the back of the book. Do that twice -- before asking someone to be your sponsor. And, do it AWAY from the meeting. Also, take Paula's suggestion, and "Pray!" It doesn't matter WHAT you believe, or even if you do or don't believe... just "Pray!" anyway... and ask that either the God of your understanding, or that some God, that you don't understand... to HELP you, as you read the book!
Then, continue to come back here, and share with us, what's going on for you. We care about you! You getting better -- helps us to get stronger and helps us to keep getting better, too!
If you need or want someone to talk with -- on the phone -- let me know. I've give you my cell number, and either you can call me or I'll call you. You can decide. And, I'm sure -- that others here on the forum will be willing to talk w/ you, too!
I noticed that you live in Great Falls. They do have some really good AA's there! You're really lucky to be getting sober in Great Falls! Some of the people from AA's very early history, many years ago, -- were responsible for helping AA to grow big and strong -- were from your area!
So. Imagine that! Who would have thunk it? You just got a few directions and suggestions -- and, that's ALL that a sponsor is for!
Keep checking in! You'll be glad that you did!
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- Posts: 4781
- Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
- Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA
Hi, no matter whats going on in our heads the most important thing when we're new around the fellowship is to stay away from the 1st fatal drink! This will only set up the compulsion for another and another and another until we're in a worse state than we ever were before. Drinking is not the answer.
To stay sober we must always go back to basics.
And if the books dont make sense then we put them down and just concentrate of staying sober by using the experience of folks in the group who have walked the walk. Staying away from one drink a day at a time gets the monkey of our backs. Later, sometimes much later only we will know when the time is right, we get a sponsor and pick the books up again and remove the circus from our heads.
In my early days the books were like manuals on rocket science, they went in one ear and out the other and it was like that for the 1st few years. C'Ds and sober company kept me going until it was time to go to a meeting.
When i have days when nothing seems to be making sense then its time to get outside myself. I go for a walk in the countryside or try and take in a movie. Do something that was never in my plan for that day. Anything that will change my state of mind from the noisy negative into the quiet positive.
Hope you stay with us brother.
- Posts: 477
- Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:50 pm
Hektic1 wrote. [I tried to find a sponser 2 times and was told no. 1 was because only take so many and other not sure why. I'm at the point I feel stuck like i'm going to meeting but feel like i'm not sure what I'm doing or need to do like the Big Book or ? It getting to where I almost want to give up but scared to because I know what will happen if I do]
For what its worth the people your asking may not have been sponsored themselves and dont have a clue what to do with a newcomer. Many can sound good in the rooms but they wont be able to carry a message they dont have, YET!
For now forget the books and just stay away from the 1st drink and stay sober, there's far too much phoney acamdemia in AA these days anyways. Everyone i speak to these days seems to have a sponsor who has a PHD in Soberology, these same people got sober in AA but now they dont do meetings anymore because it isnt enough for them? My sponsor was and is a humble car mechanic, he spoke more truth than any college educated guy i've ever met.
These former AA now PHD types are telling people they can get sober on logic alone, there's no need for a higher power. Oh yeh, well who got them sober when they came crying into the rooms after they were fed up pissing in their pants? It wasnt just booze they were powerless over, their bladder also had a mind of its own!
And some meetings have turned into a game of 'Catchphrase' with people trying to out-quote each other then go back to living uninspiring lives like they did before they found AA. Its your recovery not there's. Sure you can learn from someone elses mistakes but we all have to walk our own path, no one can walk it for us.
Always bear in mind that lots of people in AA are dual addicted, booze and misery was there thing. And when they come into AA they can easily put down the booze but they seem to hang onto the misery a bit longer and one way they do this is by spreading it around the rooms. After all the more miserable the folks around them are the more at home they feel. Happiness is an alien feeling to them and when it comes they just cant handle it and worst of all they cant control it and this scares them! So the quicker they find an excuse to get back to being miserable the more controlled and comfortable they feel. I should know, i was like that for years!
- Posts: 477
- Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:50 pm
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