Sponsee "borrowing" money from AA'ers

[Pandora3561]

Not a bad point Hub, but I'm too new to know when I'm being taken for a ride. I think people see me pull up to meetings in my Mercedes, look at my clothes and assume I'm a good target. A guy I totally trusted to watch my house while I was on vacation (and he needed a place to stay) ripped me off in subtle ways but to the tune of about a grand which which we have been discovering very slowly because he was pretty sneaky. Some we saw right away (cash and hidden prescriptions) but other stuff took time (my kids' quarters jar). My motto for the time being is no loaning money. If you're hungry, I'll go with you to eat. If you want coffee, let's go get some. If you need a blanket, I have some spares. That's about hit for this jaded chick.

[Dallas]

Hey. I could go for a cup of coffee! And, I'll even buy for both of us!

[2CENTZ]

I can relate to all these postings. Each person I sponsor has taught me something about recovery and learning how to love unconditionally. I am not all the way there yet but I know I am paying forward the love that was given to me. I think one thing I have is guilt. That I have a good life and they do not. That has played out in stupid decisions such as letting one of my sponsee’s clean my house for money. I thought it was going well. She had "3 years sobriety" and was doing all the things she was supposed to. Later I slowly came to realize she had been stealing from me. It came to over $1,000 worth of stuff. It was not until I knew that she was using drugs that I realized my mistake. Now my rule is never to let someone I sponsor clean my house or have the keys to my house. I use people that do the work for a living. But I had to work through my anger at her and myself. I blamed myself for a while and wanted revenge. I wish I would have caught on sooner so I could have pressed charges.
I have worked the steps on my resentment towards that person and it has slowly gotten better. One thing that helps is knowing I still have a great life because I am sober and she is still a suffering sick person. Not that I want her to suffer but seeing how all things carry a consequence. It is one more lesson that I needed.
I also learned the lesson that if I care more about their recovery than they do and it is causing me more stress than I can handle, I need to let them go after making sure I have done all that I can. This is important for me because I tend to want to push people away and blame, rather than go that extra mile. Going the distance has changed me immeasurably. Like Lois said to Bill,” They may not all stay sober but at least you are."
I don’t mind buying them a meal or giving them things they need, at least to a point. I try to keep in mind they have a Higher Power and I am not it. He helped me and He is helping them. I don’t need to feel sorry for them. I need to trust in God and keep pointing to Him in the directions I give. This reminds me to keep my eyes on how He is working in both our lives.
I still wish I had the power to keep people sober. It seems like there are so few that I sponsor that ever stay sober. It makes me wonder why.

[Dallas]

Thanks. I appreciate your sharing. Reading your post reminded me of many of the lessons that I've learned and reminded me that everyday is a day to learn more. Reading of your feelings and discoveries took me back down memory land -- and it was good.