Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book Fear

[Jebtion12345]

Thanks Dallas for the informative reply. I enjoyed reading it thoroughly. Especially the part about the whiskey on the mantle ! Also, the part of step 12 as the Foundation and the 12th tradition reads that it is the spiritual foundation of the traditions. A parallel there indeed.
My sponsor told me to not get too hung up on words and three letters -ing- on a word. SHe also said not everyone has read the book and to remember that! The steps are an oral tradition for some.
Hi MLK- The serving others and God hit home. I cannot believe I not only feel I must serve God I actually WANT to serve God. Huge difference- I used to defy and resent and even hate God!
-J

[Dallas]

Thanks for the great sharing! I really enjoyed reading it. And, it was perfect timing, too!

[Toast]

Good topic.

Like most newcomers I wasn’t a fan of any AA book because they told me what folks in the know had been telling me all my life.

Especially p 55 of the 12 x 12.

We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society (although I thought I was?) Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap or to hide underneath it (sound familiar?) This self-centred behaviour blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.

The next paragraph starts with 'some will object to many of the questions posed.' ( too right, you'd found me out!)

And ends with ' Whatever the defects, they finally ambushed us into alcoholism and misery.' (So, so True)

And even in AA this pattern of behaviour didn’t change. I wanted to be the best speaker, have the busiest group with the best selection of AA literature on the best laid out table you ever seen. So desperate to impress others.

For me that’s just typical alcoholic behaviour. We put all our efforts into following Plan B for our lives when the real rewards of following Plan A have waiting for us all along.

[Dallas]

Hey Toast. Thanks for refreshing this topic. It's going to be my own personal topic for my nightly personal Big Book study! Then, my Step 10 & Step 11, before sleep.

[Frananne]

Dear Dallas and everyone else who posts,

I really like this forum. Last night I went to a meeting and found it confusing . It did not seem centered on Sobreity. This morning I read this section and it was a good "meeting "! Lots of food for thought and good BB references. Think I will go read my BB for a while.

frananne

[Toast]

Hi,

I dont have a fear of the Big Book but reading it often reminds me of the fears i had when i was in the grips of active alcoholism.

Like p23 where it says ' the main problem with the alcoholic centres in the mind rather than in the body.'
P24 says ' he has probably placed himself beyond all human aid.'

This sends a shiver up my spine knowing how close i was to the point of no return. The last 3 and a half years of my drinking passed in a flash, i never knew if it was summer or winter. All i know its it was always dark and i was always exhausted, shaking and shivering. Missed everything that should have been important, things like my kids birthdays and christmas's etc, just cant remember anything about that period at all apart from the fact that if i was awake i was drinking.

Thankfully i can aknowledge the truths mentioned in p25

' The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous.'

For me there was ' no middle of the road solution.'

And ' no return through human aid'.

I'm very lucky my adult kids speak to me today and i've often questioned my wifes sanity for staying with me through what must have been a horrendous time?

Then again i best just count my blessings and get on with it!

Be well

[Jebtion12345]

Good day to all!
I have been without internet so have been reading post but unable to reply (my iphone is just too "small" to post meaningful replies.
I was at a noon meeting I seldom go to yesterday and some real Big Book bashing came up. I used to go to this group often until I felt like a few people inventoried me while they shared due to my respect for the book.
One guy admitted he had never read the book.
Then the next guy said he has read it but wont quote it like some others since he was raised Baptist and knows fully well how people can extract quotes to fit their needs.
It felt like a hostile environment. And there was a guy with 14 days in the room hearing all of this crap!
Honestly, to hear stuff like this feels like a passive aggressive attack on the foundation of my recovery.
I feel like he came in and took a sh*t (pardon the language) on our fellowship. I mean would I go to a Spanish class and say I am not going to read the text , maybe I will read a calculis text instead.
I am not angry, more sad. He seems so unhappy over all. I think i need to give up on this meeting even though many of the people who go there.
Have a great day
Joseph

[Dallas]

This reminds me of a meeting I used to attend when I was new in recovery.

I remember that this guy named Torey, who was very healthy looking, buffed, toned, obviously an exercise buff. Every time Torey shared he enthusiastically shared about "we can recover. we can get better. That's what this whole deal is about -- getting well, getting better!" As I've often looked back on the memories of Torey sharing -- I now realize that he was probably the only member in the meeting -- that had read the book Alcoholics Anonymous. And, he was probably the only member -- that I can remember -- that acted and talked and lived as though he was living the program in the book.

The rest of the group would jibe at Torey. Some would openly sigh, or laugh and shake their heads when he shared. Of course, I was hanging out w/ the loser's at that time -- it's easy to hang out and be a part of the loser-group -- they will accept and endorse and validate anyone that's a loser. As long as you criticize anyone that has anything that resembles sanity -- they welcome you right in!

Sometimes, even now, I'll think back to Torey and the crap the group gave him. He was on fire about wanting to help others. He was on fire in regards to try and burn it into our consciousness -- that we could recover, that we could get better. And, all he received in return was ridicule. And, I think about how dumb I was to not latch on to Torey and ask him to sponsor me and teach me the stuff that he found in the book.

No. I was a weak little sissy that wanted to look tough. I wanted to fit in w/ the loser's group. I wanted to be hip and cool. Oh yeah -- I wanted to stay sober too -- and I'll tell you for sure that it's only a MIRACLE that I survived during that phase of my stupidity.

I wish I knew how, and where, I could find Torey, today -- to make amends to him. To thank him. And, to let him know that all the stuff that he suffered while sharing -- is the wonderful program of recovery that saved my life, gave me a good life, and the same program that I'm living today.

Wherever you are Torey -- my hat is off to you, in sincere gratitude! Thank you for all the crap that you put up with. At least one of us -- Me -- now appreciates and understands what you were trying to share! You're one of my Heroes!

Dallas B.

[Frananne]

Great share regarding Torey! I feel blessed because my home group has several exceptional leaders who start out their topics with reading parts of the big book. Like all textbooks the more I read and study it the better I understand the solution. My sponsor totally uses the book also. I love that.

[Jebtion12345]

Dallas! Thanks for that honest and great story.
I just have to learn that I need to go to meetings where the "meat" is and the message is clear. I often feel I need to carry the message where it is not, but something tells me if people have years of sobriety under their belt they are not going to listen to some enthusiastic "kid" ... they are more inclined to keep squashing my experience with the program. I always ask my sponsor to tell me if I get cocky or arrogant. She tells me I am just on fire and excited. I just want to give it away because I can't believe it really works after a decade of being a "hater."
I love the forum and am so happy to be on board again and thanks again! I consider you to be my online sponsor